I Wish Hulk's Love Could Bring You Back Again

When I think about high school, I usually go into epileptic seisures. But once those subside, I think about all the cool people I used to hang out with that I never see anymore. I was in the Graphic Arts program, and while there was a revolving cast of characters passing through there every semester, by the time senior year came around, the only ones left were myself, Journey frontman Valerie, and Jim Vento. Vento came aboard senior year, so really only me and Valerie and been there from the beginning. Vento was a cool guy. He was like this big, friendly giant. And in those post-Vanilla Ice, pre-Eminem days, it was kind of funny to see a giant, hip-hop loving white boy. Actually, that's still pretty funny, Vento was always laid back, and he's one of only a handful of people I know that actually have an honest-to-God catchphrase. I didn't know real people had those, but every afternoon he'd stroll into class and say, "What's up, kids?"

He broke my watch in ninth grade. We went on a field trip to Rocky Point, an amusement park in Rhode Island. We were actually supposed to go to Canobie Lake Park that year, but some people complained that we'd gone there for the past three years and wanted to try someplace else. So there was a vote in homeroom and the winning destination was Rocky Point. I used to go there every year with my family, but it had been a few years since my last visit and I thought it would be cool to check it out again. When the day came, less than twenty people actually showed up for the trip. Why did they pick that place if no one wanted to go? What's even more depressing, when we got there, the place looked like a ghost town. Two-thirds of the rides were closed. The House of Horrors, which I used to be too afraid to even walk by because of the decapitated viking standing on the roof, was boarded up and the cars from the ride were randomly scattered around the park. The headless viking was gone, too. (Check out this page for pictures and a history of the park and it's slow, painful demise.) On the bright side, there were hardly any lines. Vento was one of the few people that went on the trip, and we got on the Matterhorn, or the Avalanche, or some other Nordic-sounding name. Every amusement park has this ride. It's the one that spins around in circles while "The Immigrant Song" plays in a loop the whole time, then it spins backwards. Before you get in the seats, there's a little sticker that says that the smaller person is supposed to be either on the inside or the outside. I forget which, but whichever it was, I was on the wrong side, and Vento CRUSHED me. When it was over, I stumbled out and heard something fall to the ground. My watch had gotten so beat up during the ride that the pin holding it on the band fell out.

The only other kid in school with his own catchphrase was Tom Gillis. Contrary to what you may have seen in every single movie that's supposed to take place in New England, most people around here don't have overly-exaggerated Boston accents. Except Tom Gillis. He sounds exactly like that. Especially when blurting out his trademark, "Yeaaaaaah Duuuuuuude." He was in graphic arts for a couple of months. He wasn't one of the cool people I hung out with, though. He kind of sucked, actually. He was always trying to fight me. I don't know why, a light breeze could've knocked me over. It couldn't have possibly been because I was a smart ass that made fun of him all the time and laughed in his face when he hit me. Must have been some other thing.

Since there was only three of us in graphic arts, most of my friends were in other classes. Nick and Wah-Kee were down the hall in electronics, along with Jim, Mike and Jeremy. Mike was pretty cool, but then he started taking all kinds of drugs and lost his damn mind. The last time I saw him was a few years ago, when he asked me if he ever told me about the time he did a lot of acid and went into Boston. He asked about fifty times in the span of two minutes, and about as fast as that guy from the Micro Machines commercials. Drugs are bad. Mkay? Jeremy moved to Florida before we graduated, but his cousin stuck around. Jose had a bit of a crush on her, but I think I'll stay away from that topic to avoid any future retribution.

Jose was in drafting. Like Vento, he started out in the "regular" high school. I don't know what made him decide, "Not enough people hate me. I know! I'll join the Voc!" but I'll bet he's glad he did, or else he never would have met characters like Ed, who is engaged to a new girl every time we see him, and the enigmatic trio of Frank, Shannanannahan and Arb. Arb (an acronym of her first, middle and last name) was constantly harassed by Frank and Shanahan, perhaps a bit more so by Shanahan. It didn't take a degree in loveolgy to see that underneath all the name calling and bickering was a Moonlighting-level lust bubble about to burst into some hot, steamy, geek-on-geek action. Oddly enough, that same sexual tension seemed to be around any combination of two of the three; Shanahan and Arb, Frank and Arb, Frank and Shanahan...It almost seemed as though Shanahan needed Frank's approval before he could do anything, and it was not uncommon for him to finish his sentences with, "right, Frank?" He was like that little yapping dog from the Bugs Bunny cartoons that used to jump up and down and excitedly ask the big dog what they were going to do.

"Whaddya wanna do, Spike? Huh, Spike, huh? Whaddya wanna do?"

Frank was Spike, the big dog that always swatted him away. But who knows, maybe they're all living together now in creepy harmony.

They were all cool, though. These were my people. But then there's Meathead. Meathead thought the girls that sang MMMbop were hot. Meathead changed jobs like most people change their underwear, and used his money on weird things like a remote control car and a police scanner. That's Meathead for you. He found an underclassman to go to the prom with, and she only agreed because she really wanted to go, but couldn't unless a senior asked her. Instead of taking the standard limo, Meathead opted to show up at her house in his big red pickup truck. She was in drafting with Jose, so she told him about the night. He didn't help her into the truck, which is obviously higher off the ground than a limo, and then he closed the door on part of her dress. When they got to the prom, he barely talked to her and she ended up leaving with someone else. On the night the rest of us saw Analyze This, Meathead insisted it was going to be stupid and instead went to see Carrie 2: The Rage. He was extremely homophobic, although he curiously complained when Jose started dating that he wasn't spending enough time with him. When Jose bought his girlfriend a pair of diamond earings, he got upset that Jose never bought him anything nice like that.

The last time I saw Meathead was the night George Lucas scammed us into paying to see Phantom Menace. Meathead was there with some other people, and got mad when we didn't say hi. But it was honestly because we didn't see him. There was a crowd; a lot of people were duped into seeing that movie. So we haven't really seen him since then. I kind of miss Meathead, actually.

For the most part, I still see everyone I used to hang out with in high school on a regular basis. And it's a good thing, too. I probably wouldn't have gone to college if it wasn't for Jose (not that college, anyway.) And if it wasn't for Nick, I would have never heard the softer side of Hulk Hogan. So, thanks, guys!