Friday, November 16, 2007

Mark As Spam

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

You Don't Know What I'm Up Against

Well, the good news is I didn't have to wait until Wednesday. This email was waiting for me in my inbox last night.

Thank you for your interest in an opportunity with Apple retail. At this time we have chosen to move ahead with candidates who better meet the business needs today. We wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Thank you again for your time and interest in Apple Inc.

So that's it. I'm boned. I did really good Friday, I know I did. I mean, I would have bought something from me. But it wasn't good enough. They tell you that you don't have to pressure customers and selling isn't a big deal because people come in four times before they buy something, but they're full of shit. All they care about is if you can get someone to buy their overpriced crap. Clearly having an extensive history using the product first hand holds no bearing. I've been using these stupid computers on a daily basis since high school. Whenever one of them starts acting wonky at work, I'm usually the one that figures out the problem and how to fix it. That is, unless Joe discovers it first and immediately calls IT to have someone come in on the company dime. Did I really just write "the company dime?" God. Well, whatever, the point is, it takes maybe thirty seconds to look up the problem on the internet, and more than likely you'll find someone who had the exact same problem and, more importantly, a way to fix it. And it costs nothing! Why is that so hard to do?

I think I got a little off track. What I'm getting at is I'm well versed in Apple computers. Apparently, that means absolutely dick to them. What is it you want? In the depths of your ignorance, what is it you want?

What they want, what they mean by someone who can "better meet the business needs today," is retail experience. I've never worked retail, so I could be Steve Jobs and they wouldn't hire me. And that's understandable, but what about all these teenagers that work retail as their first job? How did they get hired? It's not that I can't do it, it just that I haven't done it yet. Is this going to happen at every retail place? Am I so colossally awful that no one will even give me a chance?

And people come in four times before they buy something? Really? And they don't look at the price until the third time. Really? They have to know it's there. This isn't The Price is Right, there's no cardboard placard covering up the retail value, the first time you come into the store BAM! the price is plainly displayed. It's the first thing I look at when I got to a store. I can't for one minute believe that anyone not suffering for deep-rooted psychological problems would walk into a store three times before "asking" a salesperson how much something costs, only to have the salesperson tell them THE EXACT SAME THING THAT'S WRITTEN ON THE DAMN SIGN THAT'S BEEN THERE THE WHOLE TIME! I know when they give these little examples they're not meant to be taken literally, but nothing about that whole four times thing makes any sense at all. People browse. That's all they need to say. Four times. Give me a break.

Screw Apple and their smug commercials. Justin Long seems like a good enough guy, but if I ever meet him in person I kind of feel like I have to punch him in the face.

I don't know where this leaves me now. I've got a list of places that I've applied to multiple times since the summer, but I think if I apply to them any more times I'm going to get hit with a restraining order. I haven't tried Circuit City yet. Actually, I didn't even think about Circuit City until last night, since I haven't even been in there since Best Buy opened, and that was about ten years ago. But if I were to work there, maybe I'd be persuaded to spend some of my paycheck what do you say, Circuit City? Will you let me sit on the couch with John Elway and Mike Ditka, or are you going to be dicks like Apple?

Monday, November 05, 2007


I got to take that Apple hiring seminar thing again on Friday. I won't here back from them until Wednesday, but I feel a lot better about my chances this time. If I don't get hired, I'm going to have to start thinking about selling body parts. Anyone need a healthy liver?