I had just about the best Labor Day weekend ever. But none of that matters now, because I've been hiccuping on and off since yesterday afternoon. I don't know how to make it stop! It'll go away in a few minutes and then start up again in an hour. What the hell is going on?
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Please Kill Me
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
John
47 comments
47 comments:
BOO....
That work?
No. It's 3:15, still going strong. They didn't even stop and start up again like I thought they would, it's just still ongoing from this morning. This sucks.
Hold on, I think it's done.
Crap. Never mind.
I HATE THIS!
Eat a spoonful of peanut butter while hanging naked upside down over a pit of Robert Downey Jr.'s used needles. I hear it works.
Or a teaspoon of cayenne pepper.
My never fail hiccup cure...
Take a deep breath in your lungs and don't do anything for as long as you can hold your breath. Don't swallow, move, or anything else. Well... I guess you can blink, but that's about it.
Now if you should happen to hiccup during said breath holding, exhale and try it again. It works for me every time, though I can't say exactly why...
word ver: sdldoes -- Nope... I'll let you make your own jokes on that one.
I tried the breathing thing all day. It works briefly, but they kept coming back. Water didn't help either. Neither does scaring. You can only watch Clowny Clown Clown so many times.
A mouthful of peanut butter worked...for now. I tried it at work too, but the guy that usually has peanut butter under his desk (in a jar, not stuck on the underside like chewed gum)was all out. The jar was still in the trash, though, so I took it out and tried to scrape as much peanut butter off the sides of the jar as possible. But it wasn't enough. I tried it again at home, and we have a whole jar, so I shoved a bunch in my mouth and I think it worked. That better be the end of it. Hiccupping all day really starts to hurt the chest after a while.
AHHH!!!! THEY'RE BACK!!!!!! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!
Ok, I think they're gone for real this time. I found something online that says to hold your breath, pinch your nose closed, and slowly take 10-20 sips of water until it feels like you're going to drown. It popped my ear, but it worked.
Somehow, this has to be Kimmy's fault.
Wenis!
-- Kimmy
They came back at 2:30 and again at six. The water thing works, but I think it's damaging my ears.
I had a giant smoothie this morning, hoping the bananas would help because of potassium or something. Nope. A giant glass of water didn't help either. But the two combined resulted in a race against time to get to work and praying that the bathroom was unoccupied.
I did the hold your nose and drink thing again at work, and it worked. For now. This doesn't make any sense.
If I've got t drink this much damn water, I'm going to be in the bathroom a lot today.
I just swallowed a packet of hot mustard we had in the office from a Chinese food place. It was horrible, but it stopped them and maybe it'll keep them from coming back.
Crap! They keep coming back! And I'm out of disgusting mustard packets!
I'm trying Pepto Bismol. Let's see how that goes.
Nope.
I've stopped them again, and I've got a doctor's appointment for tomorrow. For the hiccups. It sounds really stupid, but hiccuping all day is extremely uncomfortable. Plus I've probably got some kind of acid reflux problems.
Sure cure: hold your breath until your heart stops beating.
My grandpa had them for a week straight once. I thought he was going to go all Chris Benoit on us before it was over.
Did you try the cayenne pepper? If it's too hot by itself, mix it with sugar. Feel free to swig a glass of water right after. That is, unless you're afraid your bladder will rupture.
If you drank, I would also suggest Crown or Jack mixed with honey and hot water. It usually cures my hiccups. And if it doesn't, I don't care anymore.
I'll try the pepper as soon as I can get some. At this point, I think it will only hold them off for an hour or so, but I'll take what I can get. By the time I get to the doctor tomorrow, I'll have had them for almost four days. I'm pretty sure it's going to end up having something to do with all the other weird crap that's wrong with me.
I don't think I could possibly drink any more water.
John,
Try drinking some water.
Oh...
Oops. Sorry.... :-/
So, what's the verdict? Did the doc tell you to drink the first morning urine of a mountain goat?
I bet playing hide & seek with Michael Jackson would cure you.
I got chest x-rays and they took a blood sample. Not because of the hiccups, but because it seems to be just a small part of an underlying problem with my esophagus and\or digestive system.
The hiccups finally stopped last night and only made a brief appearance this afternoon. Are they really gone for good? Dun dun dun!
Oh yeah, and I saw Tom Brady walking down the street just now. That guy's a lot bigger than I assumed he was.
Well at least you had a really long ride back home on the T after you went back to work...
Yeah that was fun.
I haven't had the hiccups since Saturday, but they've been replaced by a horrible cough. I've been sick for almost a month now. Shouldn't all of this have passed by now?
Sounds like West Nile to me. Or a cold. You know, potayto, po-tah-to.
Hmmm... it's been about a week. Did they come back and Michele took pity on you and suffocated you with a pillow?
Just checking.
Don't hold me to it, but there should be some spankin' new stuff here on Monday.
Did I say Monday? I meant a different day
Apparently, not Tuesday.
I meant A Monday. Not that Monday. Yeah.
Anyway, why write a new post when I can just keep adding comments to this one?
Britney's terrible new song is a hit. That's kind of a soul-crushing thought, huh?
I know it makes me weep blood. Or maybe that's a serious disorder.
Nah. Probably the Britney song.
OK, promises aside, it has been a whole month. Would it kill you to write a new post? Or are you still hiccuping?
It's coming. I might have to do that thing where I post a whole bunch at once again. I don't plan these things out very well.
Still waiting... tap, tap tap
So did someone take you up on your offer and actually kill you? Do we have to make KTM google you to see if you're still alive? That thought alone should cause you to make a new post...
Maybe I'll post something tonight. They're filming another movie down the street, but I didn't get any pictures. Also, I'm trying to get a part time job, but no luck so far. I've applied at a bunch of places, but most of them make you apply online and those 30-page stupid personality tests on all the online applications are driving me crazy. I'm not trying to get into the CIA for Christ's sake, it's a damn store job. There's only two questions they need to ask:
1. Are you planning on going on a killing spree?" (Yes/No)
2. Really? (Yes/No)
All that other crap is a waste of time.
I started to write, but then I watched Poltergeist II instead.
Word Verification McWMD.
That's...unsettling.
Maybe you should try to get a job with the folks who create those tests. Fight the power! Change the system from within.
And then post!
I dunno if you should ever post again. I mean look at this one... it's damn near nothing and you've got 47 comments now.
I'd call that efficiency.
Wow, they never asked me those two questions when I started this job. That was their first mistake.
Post a Comment