You already know that in order to speak Joe you must tirelessly spew out-of-date and often misquoted catchphrases from television and movies. And that, whenever possible, speak in a poorly-executed lame accent. Here's your next lesson in Joespeak: Jaberwokify your speech.
The man makes up his own damn words! He's all Don Kingafied with his imaginarilacious wordiology. Usually, if he's referring to something and/or someone, he'll combine them with something similar (example: rather than saying "Absolute Delivery is at the door", Joe says "Absolut Vodka is at the door." Granted, that's not making up words, but it sure as hell screws up people that don't know how the little hamster wheel in his head works. But it doesn't stop there. He'll also pick a word in his sentence and add "-age" to it. So the already confusing "Absolut Vodka is at the door" becomes "Absolut Vodka is at the doorage." Throw in that idiot gurgle noise of his and you now officially can speak Joe:
Sane people: Absolute Delivery is at the door.
Joespeak: Absolut Vodka is at the doorage. Arrrughgurghrgh.
I can't even make this stuff up. When told that he has to superscript a registered trademark symbol, he said, (in a horrid Hindu accent, no less) "Okay. I forgotage that." Here are some more examples of things he's actually said:
"Time to cook the lunch-ed."
"I said hancock. Arurururgururgrurah!"
"I've got you're nice right here."
"I've got to go to the Cape (Cape Cod) tonight. Arrurrghurrurragh!"
By the way, even as I'm writing this, Joe just let out three "Arrurrghurrurah"s within five minutes of each other. He's on pace to break his own record. This guy's the Barry Bonds of repetitive annoying noises.
"You are all poo-ly poo lickers!" (Have I mentioned he's almost 50?)
"Na na na, na nana na, na na na na nananna na. The Banana Splits. Arhrhrhrahgghg"
"I'm off to the posty office."
"I'll see you boys in the 'A' and 'M'." (He says this every day before he leaves. When he comes in every morning, it's "Gutentagen!")
"TELEMUNDO SEGUNDO!!"
The important thing to remember here is that when he says these things, he's not actually talking to anyone in particular. He's just...saying it. "You sir, are a pooly poo-licker" And all you can think is "Is he talking to me? What does that even mean? Is he seven years old? God, my brain hurts."
He once said "Literature" in different accents for ten minutes. Sometimes I wonder if his brain works properly. I'd hate to call him the office jerk if he's really just the friendly office retard, like Benny Stulwicz in LA Law.
The man makes up his own damn words! He's all Don Kingafied with his imaginarilacious wordiology. Usually, if he's referring to something and/or someone, he'll combine them with something similar (example: rather than saying "Absolute Delivery is at the door", Joe says "Absolut Vodka is at the door." Granted, that's not making up words, but it sure as hell screws up people that don't know how the little hamster wheel in his head works. But it doesn't stop there. He'll also pick a word in his sentence and add "-age" to it. So the already confusing "Absolut Vodka is at the door" becomes "Absolut Vodka is at the doorage." Throw in that idiot gurgle noise of his and you now officially can speak Joe:
Sane people: Absolute Delivery is at the door.
Joespeak: Absolut Vodka is at the doorage. Arrrughgurghrgh.
I can't even make this stuff up. When told that he has to superscript a registered trademark symbol, he said, (in a horrid Hindu accent, no less) "Okay. I forgotage that." Here are some more examples of things he's actually said:
"Time to cook the lunch-ed."
"I said hancock. Arurururgururgrurah!"
"I've got you're nice right here."
"I've got to go to the Cape (Cape Cod) tonight. Arrurrghurrurragh!"
By the way, even as I'm writing this, Joe just let out three "Arrurrghurrurah"s within five minutes of each other. He's on pace to break his own record. This guy's the Barry Bonds of repetitive annoying noises.
"You are all poo-ly poo lickers!" (Have I mentioned he's almost 50?)
"Na na na, na nana na, na na na na nananna na. The Banana Splits. Arhrhrhrahgghg"
"I'm off to the posty office."
"I'll see you boys in the 'A' and 'M'." (He says this every day before he leaves. When he comes in every morning, it's "Gutentagen!")
"TELEMUNDO SEGUNDO!!"
The important thing to remember here is that when he says these things, he's not actually talking to anyone in particular. He's just...saying it. "You sir, are a pooly poo-licker" And all you can think is "Is he talking to me? What does that even mean? Is he seven years old? God, my brain hurts."
He once said "Literature" in different accents for ten minutes. Sometimes I wonder if his brain works properly. I'd hate to call him the office jerk if he's really just the friendly office retard, like Benny Stulwicz in LA Law.