The Best of Random Squeegee

First time here? Or maybe just a frustrated regular waiting for an update? Take some time to check out these tales of blogs past, lovingly separated into categories and given brief descriptions for your convenience. There. That should keep you busy.

Oh, and don't forget to comment on the old stuff. Every time you comment, an angel wins the lottery. Conversely, every time you don't comment, an orphan gets fed to wild dogs. I hope I'm not putting too much stock into the popularity of orphans.

School
Where dreams go to die...
Back in the Day - Tales from the halls of Thomas V. Nash Elementary School.
I Will Call You Betty - Layoffs, dead dogs, and a kid named Al.
Ten Years Gone - Part one of a depressing, two part saga!
Loss - The thrilling conclusion of the depressing, two part saga!
Bummer, Dude - A Nebraskan surfer just wants to fit in. Hilarity ensues.
I Wish Hulk's Love Could Bring You Back Again - Rocky Point's last stand.
Amateur Poetry Corner - A look into teenage John's mind.
One More - How about one more look?
Get Some Skills! - Kinda like Saved By the Bell: The College Years, except it doesn't suck.

Friends
The adventures of the people I hang out with. Have we ever seen a dead body?
Read on to find out!
Spleen Day - Meet Nick, the boy with no spleen.
The Secret of Bare Cove - Two paths diverged in the woods...and one of them might get you skinned alive.
I Fall to Pieces - Finally, I have an old football injury. I am now officially a man.
Hope You're Havin' Fun With the Bean Bag - It's Wah-Kee's birthday! And there's a weird little kid!
Superbowl XXXIX: The Untold Story - The most exciting part was after the game...
The Napkin - Jose gets Punk'd.
Solid Gold! - Wah-Kee throws Nick a bachelor party. Solid Gold.
It's A Nice Day to Start Again - Nick takes a wife.
Pantsless: A Story of Courage and Survival - Jose's left out in the cold.

Family
The adventures of the people I'm related to. Have we ever seen a dead body?
Read on to find out!
Just the Ten of Us - The family takes a trip to Williamsburg.
Extra! Extra! - I help Michele out with her newspaper route.
What's Taters, Eh? - Michele's sister comes to town.
David Alan Grier Screwed My Aunt! - This never would have happened if she went with Bruce Villance...
Word To Your Mother - Happy Mother's Day!
Not Track 5, Not Glenn's Prom Story - My grandmother gives us a scare.
Everything Old is New Again - The Williamsburg trip, as told by my mom.
Taste My Squirrely Wrath! - My grandmother witnesses the true nature of squirrel brutality.
Dr. G. And the Women - Glenn goes to the prom.
Hangin' in a Chow Line - I'm broke and I have to move back home! Isn't that great?
Scooter My Daisy Heads - My dad tries to retell stories. Hilarity ensues.
The Only One That Could Ever Reach Me - Brianna talks about a book she's reading.
Here's the Deal - More drama and a new car.
I'm the Dog Now, Man - Michele is mad.

All Things Joe
Consider my case for world's most annoying co-worker
The Tao of Joe - Part I: Joe-isms.
The Tao of Joe II - Part II: Learn to speak Joe.
Eminem Knows Joe? - Joe's famous gurgle noise gets radio play.
It Looks More Like Aztek to Me - Joe insists on splitting "mine" into two syllables.
Joe Rides Again - Tall tales from the office.
The Experiment - Fun with Joe.
Joe-kus - Joe-themed haikus. You've been warned.

Creepy Evil Thing
It wants my soul!
The Boogieman! - Something tries to kill me in my sleep!
Hypnagogic Hags - Something's still trying to kill me in my sleep!
Phantom Deli Meat - Do ghosts like lunchmeat?
Thanks to janey_13 for sending this article

Movie Reviews
I like to watch.
The Wollaston Beach Horror - Roundabout review of The Amityville Horror.
Whatever Doesn't Kill Me... - I saw Catwoman, and I'm a better person because of it.
Star Wars, Nothing But Star Wars - A Review of Episode III.
Cooter My Daisy Heads - The new Dukes of Hazzard movie was okay, but it could have used a bit more cowbell.

Personal Favorites
Everybody Likes Megan.
I Like Megan - Someone likes Megan. And spraypaint.
Holy Crap! - The Sox won, but who'll be in the inevitable movie?
Killer Hobos - Nate asks for some money.
Hell's Radio - A guy named Jabba tries to slowly drive me insane.
Requiem For Star Dude - Hedie shows my some papers her class wrote. I weep for the future.
I Gotta Have More Cowbell! - I watch some old videos on VH1 classic.
Wait 'Til Next Year - I got snubbed by the Bloggies! What gives?
She's Got it All - What the hell am I looking at?
A Chilling Glimpse Into the Future - John Titor's bleak future in which Paris Hilton destroys the world.
Here Comes the Scuzz - A generic toy's journey to the top of the toybox.
The Morning Thus Far (or, I Just Wanted a Bagel) - My quest for a morning bagel.
Something Stupid This Way Comes - Can't we all just get along?
I'm Back - Who the hell is Rodney?
I Hate the T! - Self-explanitory.
I Still Hate the T! - Still self-explanitory.
I'm J. Peterman - Snubbed again.
Joey Bag O Donuts Smells Like Egg Nog - Bud has donuts.
Coyote. Shaken, Not Stirred - Mooney does it again.
MySpace Your Space, MySpace Your Space - I get a MySpace account. And spam.

Not Necessarily the News
Sometimes stuff happens. And sometimes I write about it.
Yessir, Arafat - Arafat dies, then comes back to live, then dies again.
Another Malfunction - The whole Desperate Housewives debacle.
Hannibal Lector's Chili Cook Off - A woman claims she found a finger in her chili. Oh, and hilarity ensues.
There Be Whales in Heaven - He's dead, Jim.
Changed His Name Again, Diddy? - Puffy gets a new name. Again. Will Nintendo file a lawsuit?
Last Minute Plea - The Crips lose one of there own.

The Headset Affair
I should have just hung up
Hello, Boss! I hate telemarketers.
Sometimes They Come Back - This thing won't die

Giant Floating Heads
Giant floating heads
And Now For Something Completely Different... - A giant floating head just wants to be loved.
Rebuttal - Another giant floating head begs to differ.
Back in the Ring to Take Another Swing - Amazo anwsers a meme.