Dr. G & the Women

This is Glenn. Back in May, I discovered he's got the ladies all over him. He sheepishly downplays it, but he's gone out with more girls than I ever did. I guess that's not saying much, but...actually, I don't know how to finish that sentence without falling into a deep depression.

Anyway, I've only heard bits and pieces of the story, such as going to the prom with a 15 year old girl he hardly knows, and some possible back-stabbing among friends. And he likes two different girls named Abby. Compelling stuff. After a month or so of constant nagging, I finally got him to talk. So here's his story...

Hey, sorry I took so long. I was out destroying my relationships with women. Which isn't hard at all, because I have no clue what they're thinking. And that's really not fair, because I know a lot of them. But I don't know, maybe it's getting better.

At the beginning of this year, there was this girl I liked a lot, Abby. One of my best friends, Jay, who had been turned into a manslut by his first girlfriend, knew I liked her and asked her out anyway. After about two weeks, he got "tired" of her and dumped her. What a [unpleasant person]. I was trying to get with her and he throws her away, completely shutting her off from dating. Thanks, buddy.

His latest girlfriend, Jenn, has been around for 3 months. At least she was, he recently dumped her, got back together, and dumped her again all within 3 days. None of us know why. But anyway, she set me up with her friend for the prom. Since I was unlucky in finding someone on my own, I accepted. Her name was Mary. She was what we kids would call Emo, which is basically diet Goth. She was pretty cool. What sucked though, was that she's best friends with the only girl I've ever kissed. And what a bad experience that was. She was a full-on Goth, whose mouth tasted like she never brushed, ever. So yeah, my first kiss, wasted on sour milk. Just great. Oh, she was also a 15 year old pill-popper.

Prom was fun. We had a sweet red Chevy limo. We were all going to wear zoot suits, but Brett was the only one that ended up doing it. He actually bought the suit. I had a hat, but that was about it.









Our cool factor significantly decreased when we accidentally drove to the wrong prom. We wanted the building right next to where we were. But we felt better after hearing that most of the other kids did the same thing.

Mary was a vegan, which I had failed to mention to the administration. So she ate bread and nothing else, which I felt sorry about. I felt even worse about putting butter on her bread. I just wanted to see what she would do. Ha, she flipped.

Mary would disappear for random intervals, so I sat out on some dances. When I heard some of the popular girls call Abby a slut at the dance, I stood up for her. Nothing too drastic, because I didn't want to face their jock meat slab boyfriends.

The rest of the night was fun. Post prom was good too. it would've been better if it wasn't Western themed though. How did that win? I personally chose the jungle theme. That would've been interesting. When post prom got out at around 5 in the morning, we all headed to my place for breakfast, then hours of sleep. When I awoke, Mary's mother had picked her up, and left a bowl of eggs for me. Strange, but practical. Everyone loves eggs...well, except Mary, but whatever.

I still keep in touch with all of them. There was some interesting stuff with Jenn a while back. It appeared she asked me if I liked her. But I guess it was one of her friends from work. And at one point, I think it was Jay. He had been using her AIM to see who she was talking to. Obsess much? He also monitored her cell phone, and deleted all my comments to her on her myspace. But his was saved on mine, so I just deleted his stuff.

I've done a few things with Abby too. Her, some friends and I went cosmic bowling, which was awesome. The strobe light only turned on when she was up, which pissed her off. At some point during the night, I spilt my drink on her shirt. I was jokingly doing it, but it actually came out. I have no coordination. So she scooped up ice and rubbed it down my back and chest. Then her, my friend Brett and I went to my place and watched Anger Management.

As we reached my house, I kind of fell out of her car. I thought she would stop, she didn't think I would fall. It didn't go well. But during the movie, she ripped the "do not remove" tag from a pillow Jenn had left over, and these little beads spilled everywhere. God, they stuck to everything. Brett was rolling around in them like an idiot. But give him a break, it was 2 in the morning. Around 3, they both left.

The following day, I asked Abby if she wanted to go out. She said no. But here's the strange thing, we went to see Dane Cook at the South Shore Music Circus, then I bought her dinner. Now, wouldn't that be considered a date to most people? Dinner and a show? Anyway, the show was great, and we ate at Wendy's. That was her idea, I had $80, we could've gone anywhere. After "dinner", we drove through Hull. She gave me a pseudo-tour of the town. When we got to the ocean, we stopped and looked at the reflection of the moon on the water. Come on, how is that not a date?! Maybe she just didn't want to call it that, because of what happened before. Everyone says we would be good together, even she did. So, I don't know.

My friend Jon has a girlfriend we all despise. Funny sidenote: he dated the sour milk girl I kissed, who originally was stalking Jay. That's how I met her, he threw her at me. Isn't he a great friend? His current girlfriend, Diane had a party, which wasn't that good. However, there were a lot of girls there, sucking on phallus-shaped lollipops. So that was cool. Brett and Jay were there too, and two of the girls were really flirty, but didn't want to cheat on their boyfriends. I forget how, but we wound up watching them make out in the back of Brett's car. Before you think we're sickos, it was their idea. Since then, I've actually become friends with one of the girls. And she's even trying to set me up with one of her friends. Sweet deal.

There was another girl I liked, also named Abby. She was cool. She drove me home a lot. Sometimes she'd buy me a coffee from Marylou's. It was the only coffee I've ever had to this day. But I stopped hanging around her because her boyfriend always gave me the worst stares. And he knows karate. She entered my life in a time of slight depression, which is why she meant so much to me. If she didn't have a boyfriend every time I would've told her. But I think she knew. Her sister's friend knew right away.

After graduation, things changed a little. The first Abby's been busy lately, and, the girl (from the car)'s friend is going to go out with me. Some other friends are going too, to make things more comfortable. Let's see how this goes...