Dear Antonie,
Your recent email nearly moved me to tears. It reminded me of a similar letter a friend received a while ago. I'll admit I'm woefully uneducated on the political climate of Zimbabwe, but learning of your plight has really opened my eyes. It's bad enough that your poor father, Mjaly, has been murdered in a land dispute, but now you and your family have fled to South Africa, living as refugees. Thank the Lord your father had the foresight to deposit eight million US dollars worth of gem stones in Johannesburg.
If only he had known that he should have put it into a foreign account, since the South African Foreign Exchange policy doesn't allow refugees to invest. You'd think he would have known something like that. But no matter, I'm honored that you came to me, a complete stranger who doesn't know the first thing about investing money, to help you. If helping a poor refugee move eight million dollars into a foreign account isn't noble, well then I don't know what is.
But first, I have a question. The subject line of your email was "PLEASE TREAT ME AS YOUR SON," but your salutation starts, "Dear friend." Well, which is it? I can be your father, or I can be your friend. You can't have it both ways, son.
Now, speaking as your father, are you sure this is the best course of action? Reaching out to someone over the internet without knowing anything about their history? You could be giving your money to a con artist! Better think this through a bit more, son. And as for finding a way for the government not to know about it, I don't know what it's like in South Africa, but if it's anything like in the United States, the government's already read your email and could be at your door any minute.
Oh, and speaking of your door, I may actually have a solution for you. I typed your street address, 123 Louis Botha Avenue in Johannesburg, into Google, and it turns out that it's the registered address of a retirement fund called Chemline CC Provident Fund. Now I'm not sure what all that means, but I'll bet they know a lot more about money than I do, and you don't even have to leave home! What luck!
I hope you take this to heart, son. Sure, I could set up an account for you and collect my 25 percent, but I think that would rob you of valuable life lessons. Life's going to throw you some curveballs, kid, but I know you'll manage to work things out. You're my boy. Now go clean your room. You don't have to live like a refugee.
Love,
Dad
7 comments:
Your so mean.
I think young Antonie will find I'm tough but fair.
Being a Zimbabwean, transplanted to South Africa, I'm not sure Antonie is going to understand the "curveball" reference.
I'm just sayin'.
I like that tough love you're showing little Antonie. The young fella's gotta learn.
You know, I think you're on the right path with Antonie. My mother had the same talk with me, and it saved me a lot of heartache. Of course, I lost all my money too, but at least it wasn't at the hands of the nefarious sort you find on the Internet.
Gotta watch those dang curve balls. They have a way of making you look like a fool swinging down in the dirt.
Nice post - Ben O.
Damn g_s, that sucks. You have a son and didn't even know it. That is good fatherly advice though. Brianna is a lucky girl.
You know, it's a damn shame that Antonie didn't get randomly chosen by the Espana Lottery, then all his problems would be solved.
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