When my grandmother feels that she's overdressed, her common remark is, "I look like a circus horse." If she goes out without makeup or her without hair curled, she'll say she looks, "like a foot." She's filled with sayings like that.
"It's dark as a pocket outside."
"I'm dressed like a flapper."
"I feel like a nickel."
One of my favorites is "My back is falling off." Your back can't fall off; it's what's holding everything else together. Your arm can fall off, but your back is pretty much secured in place.
With that being said, my back is falling off.
It started hurting yesterday and today I can't even bend down. I stayed home today, but thanks to our company-issued laptops, I can continue working on the project I started yesterday without missing a beat. Plus I get to stay in my pajamas and rest my back against a stack of pillows. All for giving up the ability to bend at the waist. Not a bad trade-off, really. I just took some expired Bayer (10/04), which eased the pain a little but made me sick to my stomach.
And why does my back hurt? Well, I haven't slept in an actual bed since November, and I haven't slept in my own comfy bed since August. But if I've been sleeping on the air mattress for that long, why didn't it affect my back until now? For the past two nights, I've pumped the bed up extra firm, maybe my back can't handle it. Michele likes it the way it is, but fortunately, we have the model that lets you adjust the two sides separately. I'll let a little air out of my side tonight and see if I feel any better tomorrow.
I get back pains every now and then, and the other guys at work like to give me a hard time because you're not supposed to have these problems at my age. But I've got this swell little disease called Kyphosis. Basically, my spine curves too much. In high school, I wore an extremely uncomfortable brace to bed. I didn't wear it nearly as often as I should have, but that thing hurt like hell. Aside from crushing my insides, my pointy collarbones alway rubbed up against the metal crossbar and the neck hole dug into my adam's apple. Fun times.
Michele says if I'm still hurting tomorrow she's going to take me to the doctor. I really do not want to do that, because the last doctor wanted to break all my ribs and reset them into place. I'd be in a full body cast for nearly a year, but after that I'd look and feel like a normal person. Incidentally, the dentist wants to break my jaw to fix my overbite. What is it with medical professionals wanting to break me?
11 comments:
Maybe you just really really piss them off?
"Sounds like someone's been on the 'interweb'" - House
LOL! I love House. Everyone with a computer is a doctor now.
Air mattresses kill my back. I end up walking like a constipated ape - maybe that's similar to a flapper. Is kyphosis like scoliosis? A friend of mine had that, but she had to wear the uncomfortable brace all day. Great friendmaker in high school.
Don't let them break your jaw! My dentist tried to talk me into that. No thanks. I'd rather look like a dorkfish the rest of my life.
It's like scoliosis. In fact, i think that's what they were testing for in gym class. Once a year they'd line us up and look at our posture. Nothing ever came of it until junior high, when they called me back and said I had to go to see a specialist.
So that was fun. On top of that, the doctor said it was generally more common in girls. So I was basically being told I was deformed and had a girls' disease. I think I was given the option to wear the brace all day or only at night. I was already awkward enough, I really didn't need to walk around in an iron maiden.
I used to go to Children's Hospital regularly, and it's an excellent hospital, but I always felt so weird going there because I was 16-17 years old and everyone else there seemed so much younger. I had physical therapy sessions, too, but I stopped going to both when my parents got different insurance and couldn't afford to go anymore.
I figure if I ever get into a car crash and my ribs and jaw end up getting brocken, they might as well fix them then. It'd be nice to finally have a chin. But that's the only senerio I could ever see that happening.
"I'd rather look like a dorkfish the rest of my life."
I don't see that I can improve on that comment.
So g_s, does that mean your back's as crooked as a question mark? If so, why didn't they give you leg braces, and then you could start runnin-g and runnin-g...
Don't trust dentists. Mine always asks, "Is it safe? Is it safe?"
My dentist wants me to fall face-first down a flight of stairs because all she ever has to do is look at my teeth and marvel at how unblemished they are since the last visit. And, deep down in side of me, I WANT to need major dental work, and hopefully fulfill my fantasy where she does all the work while straddling me in the chair.
Did I mention that my dentist is HOT?
Well ain't that the shit of getting old? We start to understand what the hell our griping grandparents were talking about.
Hey, I'm not old, I'm just deformed! Get it right.
I had scoliosis as a kid. I was supposed to do sits up every morning and night. I didn't. It went away anyhow. Wierd, huh?
I don't like you.
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