Joe Rides Again

When I got to work this morning, a co-worker informed me that Joe would be out of the office for the next two days because his cousin died. He got a call after he got home from work last and he had to go to Vermont for the funeral. When asked, he said he didn't know the name of the funeral home; he was going to find out when he got there. I guess he and his cousin were pretty close, since he'd be taking two days off to grieve.

Then, he told me this: last week, Joe told him that he might have to use a couple of vacation days this week to do something with his kids. He said he told Joe that he's using up a lot of vacation days early in the year, especially since he had to borrow two from this year to go to the Army/Navy football game last year. Joe started counting out the days he'd used and that was the last time he mentioned taking any time off for this week. Now, today, he called in and said that his cousin was in a fatal car accident and he had to go to Vermont for two days.

Hmm...two days. The exact same number of days that he'd planned on taking off this week.

I really don't want to believe that he's pretending someone died so he could skip work. I don't. But even Oliver Grendall could see what's going on here.

Last week he found out that he's running low on vacation days. Now he calls and says there's been a death in the family, which falls under personal days so he still has his two vacation days. And the thing that bugs me is that you are allowed to take personal days at any time for no reason. If he wanted those days off, why not just take them off? Why make up some story? There's no point. He could have at least called in sick. Everybody does that. It may not be entirely truthful, but it's considerably less evil than pretending someone died.

Another thing that's highly suspect is the use of the word "cousin." Joe has a friend named Skippy. And another named Frodo. I know this because he always uses names when talking about his friends or family. But he didn't mention his cousin's name. In fact, he'd never mentioned his cousin at all before now. He's talked at great length about other relatives, but this is the first anyone's heard of the dearly departed.

I suppose we could give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he did have plans with his son, but they had to be put aside due to this tragedy. And maybe the pain is still too deep for him to say their name right now. After all, If it were anyone else, I don't think anyone would think twice about believing them. But Joe has been known to lie for the sake of lying.

I guess part of it is his larger-than-life persona. In Joe's world, he's the ultimate workaholic. Mention to him that you stayed at work late, and he'll inform you that your feat is nothing compared to his mighty work ethic. Why, he used to work 80 hour weeks. Back at his old job.

One of my co-workers was talking about a time he was so busy at work that he didn't have a day off in three months.

"That's nothing." Joe says. "I once went three years." They even had his eyelids removed to keep him from wasting precious hours on sleep.

Sometimes our workload can get a little hefty. For all of us. When there's only four employees the work can pile up pretty fast. But that Joe, he must be working harder then the rest of us, and he let's it be known by letting out a frustrated sigh several times an hour and repeatedly dropping the F-bomb. To really drive the point home that he's just flooded with work, he'll say "Shoot me now and get it over with." You know, because he just has so much work to do and the clients are so difficult to work with.

I don't know when he used to work 80 hour weeks, but now he leaves every day at ten minutes to five. I can't imagine where he got his energy from back then, because he also used to ride his bike for miles upon miles. I'll bet he still would, too, but every time one of us--who happens to be an avid biker--invites him to go moutain biking, he always as some kind of family emergency to address.

It is rather strange that someone of this Herculean will to get the job done always leaves early. Even moreso concidering he frequently says "I'll be here tonight with my sleeping bag and a flashlight." Yes, he actually says that. And yes, it is stupid to say you'll bring a flashlight, because if you were staying late at night, you'd just leave the studio lights on. By the way, one of the other guys used to live far away from the city and has indeed stayed the night on several occassions. Joe has never actually brought in his sleeping bag.

One time at our old office, Joe had to leave work early, because a relative of his wife was having an operation, but he said that he'd probably come back later at night. We all wanted to know if he really was going to come back, so cyclist guy taped a large piece of paper to Joe's monitor. If Joe was going to do work, he'd obviously have to take the paper off his screen.

The other guy got work early the next morning and saw the paper still taped to Joe's screen. he asked Joe if he came back that night.

"Yeah, I stayed for a couple hours. I was f*cking tired!"

Even though he was caught in a lie, we didn't tell him about the little test. We just all laughed about it. But eventually it stops being funny because you start to wonder if this guy thinks he's smarter than us because he can get away with this stuff, that he can insult our intelligence that way. But that's our Joe. And the thing is, maybe he really is at a funeral right now. Who knows? He's lied so many times now that no one can tell when he's speaking the truth. On the other hand, yes, of course he's lying.

Posted in: Joe