Behold! I am the Great Amazo! Behold! Did I say that already? No matter, it is worth beholding me twice, or perhaps even a third time, for my powers are that impressive. How impressive, you ask? Well, for starters, I'm an excellent speller. Observe. Pneumatic, P-N-E-U-M-A-T-I-C. See? That one was pretty tough. I mean, I've seen some people spell it wrong, like, they forget the "E" or something.
Hmm...my well-tuned telepathic abilities tell me that you are not impressed. Well, consider this: I can bat over .400! That alone should be enough for you, but when you consider that I have no arms it becomes exponentially more impressive, eh? C'mon, I'm just a head for crying out loud, the fact that I'm able to function at all should warrant at least an "ooh" or an "aah."
THE THIRTEENTH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WAS MILLARD FILLMORE!!
Huh. Nothing. Very well. Be that way. I suppose I could use my mind to turn a duck into soap, or make a monster truck appear out of thin air, but I refuse to waste my time on parlor tricks for small-minded fools such as yourselves. However, I did interrupt the monotony of this ridiculous website for a reason. I mean, really. How many stories about weird homeless people or high school memories are we supposed to endure? And what ever happened to the haikus? That page hasn't been updates in months!
Where was I? Ah, yes. The reason I'm here today is that my arch-rival, the Amazing Greato has been making the rounds, proclaiming he is the most powerful entity in the known universe. Obviously a fraudulent claim, as I am clearly at least twice as powerful. He tries to win people over by saying what a great swimmer he is, or how many decimals he can recite Pi to. Big deal. Did the Amazing Greato ever toast a Pop Tart using only his mind? Well, yes. Probably every morning. But certainly without the flair and panache with which I do it. And that is why I am the superior omnipotent floating head. He just goes through the motions, whereas I put a lot of time and thought into giving the people what they want. And isn't that what it's all about? I mean, if i wanted to, I could make each and every creature on Earth implode. But I don't, because you're my people. You're the reason I get up in the morning.
The Amazing Greato would never say anything as compassionate as that. You know why? Because he's a dick, that's why.
You know, despite my vast wellsprings of knowledge and intuition, I still cannot understand your steadfast refusal to pledge allegiance to me. It doesn't make any sense. Is it the lightning? It's the lightning. I knew it, it's too imposing. Well, try this on for size.
Now, WORSHIP ME!! WORSHIP ME!! C'mon, worship me. Hey, where are you going? Come back here! All right, that's it. I didn't want it to come to this, but you leave me no choice. I'm just going to have to turn your innards into pudding. I'll do it. I swear. Okay, come back, I didn't mean that. Please! Come back, I won't hurt you. Oh...I just want to be loved.
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I, loyal minion of the Legion of Greato, renounce thee, Amazo. It was Greato who invented Pig Latin, and to thee I say, Eato-Gray Icketh-Kay Our-Yay Utt-Bay. All hail Greato!
Blast! Oh well. I may have lost one to that unsufferable braggart, but I've still got, well...nobody...yet. I'm so terribly lonely.
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