Extra! Extra!

Did you know that day care is expensive? IT'S TRUE!! To cover the cost, Michele recently decided to get up at three o'clock in the morning every day and deliver newspapers. I do my part by adding unobtrusive banner ads that no one ever clicks on to my website. I do what I can.

Did I feel guilty about curling up in my warm, fuzzy blankets while she drudged around in the freezing cold? Of course. But I had another, more powerful feeling, too. One that clearly states that nothing short of a fire warrants getting out of bed at three in the damn morning.

And yet, for the past two days, I did get out of bed at three in the damn morning. Michele twisted her ankle while delivering the papers Wednesday morning, so I've been helping her. I delivered the Patriot Ledger when I was a kid, but it was only twenty or thirty papers, all on my street, and I did it in the afternoon when I got out of school. Michele's route has 168 papers, and there's only one or two houses on each street. Plus the whole waking up in the middle of the night thing.

We drive down to Weymouth Landing to pick up the papers. She only had 118 papers this week because of school vacation. We got there around 3:30 yesterday, but the truck was late. It finally pulled in after four. I didn't think it would be too much of a big deal, since we had until seven to deliver all the papers. I was all kinds of wrong.

Most people want their papers on their porches or in between their doors, but not one house has de-iced their driveways. I slipped a couple of times at various spots yesterday, but I didn't hurt myself. Before she hurt her ankle, Michele split her hand falling on someone else's driveway. I'm not sure what "I split my hand" means. We didn't really discuss it too thoroughly. Sounds painful, though.

I think Macaulay Culkin lives in one of the houses. I didn't see Michael Jackson hiding in the bushes, but the entire sidewalk in front of the house is absolutely covered in ice. But it doesn't look like the ice in front of the rest of the houses, it's more smooth, as if someone intentionally poured a gallon of water on the sidewalk.

There was one house that had instructions to leave the paper on the middle landing of the steps, because if we go any further we might "fall through." Fall through? What did that mean? I walked carefully up the stairs, and tossed the paper onto the landing, but it went behind a snow drift. I wanted to make sure they saw the paper, so I carefully walked up and tried again. This time, I aimed for the small porch near the door. I wasn't sure exactly where it was that I might fall through, so I was careful to stand on the grass near the stairs. I tossed the paper up near the door and watched in horror as it disappeared down a hole. I ran up to the porch and saw the giant hole in the planks. Fortunately, the paper just fell down to the snowy ground below the steps, so I made my way through the bushes and retrieved it.

I noticed something while I was going to all these house. A lot of people have "Welcome" signs on their doors, but their doors are locked. Well, which is it? These people are sending mixed signals. All I'm saying is, don't put a "Welcome" sign on your door and then call the police when you find me making Jiffy Pop in your kitchen. It's rude.

Michele has five apartment complexes on her route, and one of them requested that the papers be delivered to the customers' doors rather than the lobby. They have to go down to the lobby to get their mail anyway, but they want their papers delivered to their door, like a hotel? Are you kidding? She put in a call to her supervisors, so we'll see how this turns out in a couple of days.

Yesterday and today we started delivering papers at around four o'clock and finished after seven. I love Michele, but I never wan to do this again. Ever.