What's Taters, Eh?

I'll be 26 in a couple of months, and I just now realized that the first letters of July through November spell "Jason." How could I have lived this long and never noticed that?

JFMAMJJASOND.

See? Jason. Or, if you add December, Jason D. Could there be some secret behind this? Who is Jason D.? I suspect that Jason D. is "the Man" that's always holding everyone down. He's around for half the year and most people don't even notice him. Something must be done about this. Jason D. must be stopped.

But in the meantime, let's talk about the weekend. Michele's sister came to visit for a few days. And I have to say, Michele is a lot more fun when her sister visits than when her aunt comes for her monthly stay. Anyway, Misty's cool. She's a couple of years older than me, and it depressed Michele a little that her younger sister is older than her boyfriend. But I think she should embrace her cradle-robbery. Misty could only stay for the weekend, but she'll be back for Easter.

Since her visit was a surprise, there was a little debate over what to do with the Ron White tickets we bought a few months ago. Misty wasn't staying very long, so Michele didn't feel comfortable going out and leaving her behind. And Misty didn't want to intrude on plans that we had made months in advance. So we tried to figure out who should go. Should I go with Michele, or should Michele go with her sister, or should I go with her sister? My brother Glenn ended up going with me, which seems to be a recurring theme.

In 2003, my friends and I all got tickets to see Lewis Black. Ryan got a ticket, but Glenn didn't have any money so he couldn't go. But the show ended up falling on the same day as Game 7 on the AL Championship Series between the Red Sox and the Yankees. Jose didn't want to miss the game, so he decided not to go. Glenn went in his place. As it turns out, they gave constant updates of the game throughout the show, and since baseball games, especially Yankees-Sox games, tend to last longer than Britney's first marriage, we still got home in time to see Grady Little set himself up to be ridden out of town on a rail. But he stayed home, and Glenn saw the show. That boy always seems to be at the right place at the right time. Bastard.

So the show was at the Orpheum Theater, which has the unique distinction of looking simultaneously fancy and run-down. Ron was great, and had a lot of new material. At the end, he came back for an encore to do his signature "Tater Salad" routine, but forgot how it went about a third into it, which was somehow funnier than if he'd just come out and nailed it.

The next day, we showed Misty around town. This was her first visit to New England, and it snowed the morning she arrived, so she "got" to experience that charming little slice of life. She was amazed at how big the houses were, and couldn't believe those weren't the "rich people" houses. So we took her over to Cohasset to where the real big houses are. I think she was impressed, but honestly at that point, I was passed out in the back seat.

When I woke up, we were at the new Jordan's Furniture in Reading. I guess it sounds strange, taking someone to a furniture store, but it's something that really has to be seen to be explained. The one in Avon has M.O.M., the Motion Odyssey Movie ride. You sit in a chair that jerks around in eight different directions in synch with the movie, which is usually either about dinosaurs or some kind of futuristic space mining colony. The Framingham store is modeled after Mardi Gras on Bourbon Street. It has an in-store Kelley's Roast Beef and an IMAX theater.

The one we went to has something called Bean Town at the entrance. There's replicas of Boston landmarks made out of jelly beans, including the Green Monster, with a giant Animatronic Wally eating a Yankee. There's also something called Liquid Fireworks, which emulates a fireworks display by shooting bursts of water out of a giant fountain. This one has an IMAX and a restaurant, too. Oh yeah, and they sell furniture.

We ate lunch at the fifties-themed restaurant. During lunch, a discussion came up that continues to baffle me. Corn, it seems, is not a vegetable. It's a grain. It affected Glenn the most, because he said the only vegetables he eats are corn and potatoes. Michele said corn is a grain and potatoes are starch. So he doesn't eat any vegetables? He does it pickles, but I noticed that the one on his plate kind of looked like a stretched-out lime. That's when I knew that pickles can't be vegetables, because they, like tomatoes, have seeds. And beans....somehow beans are classified as meat. So if you're a vegetarian, are you allowed to eat peanuts? And potatoes are starch? What the hell food group is that? The whole conversation was ridiculous. Everything I've ever known was a lie!!