Burning Questions

I just saw a website where someone wrote "Lorena Bobbit was the woman from Long Island who cut off Joey Buttafucco's [joystick] because he had an affair with Amy Fisher. Just so people know." Fortunately, I was able to stave off the aneurysm usually associated with such sentences. But it did get me thinking. There are people who are famous because they have talent. Actors, athletes, musicians. And then there's the Joey Buttafuccos and Monica Lewinskys and Kato Kaelins of the world. They show up at movie premieres, sign endorsement deals and get their own TV shows. They're more than famous. Like El Guapo, they are infamous. And it seems like many people don't know the difference.

Then there's the reality TV "stars". Enough already. Hasn't this horse been beaten enough yet? It's not even a horse anymore. It's a friggin' bottle of glue. People need to stop watching these already, or I'm just going to have to go around the country kicking people in the shins. Oh! They could film me while I do it.

Will the new Gilligan's Island do an episode with the Harlem Globetrotters?

How do these faux celebrities keep creeping into the limelight? Why do I know who Kevin Federline is?

Why won't Britney Spears go away? At least the Backstreet Boys got it right. They put out a few albums, won the hearts and money of teenage girls and then quietly and gracefully fell off the face of the Earth. They just vanished one day like the Incan civilization. Why didn't all their little teeny bopper cohorts follow suit?

Do you think Lou Bega, in the height of his popularity, (which I believe was a Tuesday) ever considered approaching Columbia/Tri Star about doing another Short Circuit movie in which he would sing the theme song?

Johnny No. 5!

Hey, that could still happen. You could be browsing the bargain bin at Wal-Mart one day and find Short Circuit: With a Vengeance. Chris Tucker could do the voice of Johnny 6, the street smart robot cop.