MySpace, Your Space, MySpace Your Space!

For reasons even I'm not aware of, I have a Myspace account. A new report shows that MySpace now has 2-1/2 times the traffic of Google. I believe it. Glenn, aka "tits on a bull," spends every waking moment on Myspace. Kids these days; I don't know.

Why is Myspace so popular? Personally, I don't really like the way it's set up. I keep accidentally deleting comments, because my gut reaction to seeing a little blue link next to a comment is to click it to reply. Except that's not how Myspace works. The little blue link, which at first I didn't even take the time to read, says "delete this message." If you actually do want to reply, you have to go leave a comment on their page. So basically, you'd just keep going back and forth, with only half the conversation on each page. Lame. Of course, you could just send private messages, but then what the hell is the point of the comments?

Maybe the draw is simply the sheer number of people that have accounts. It's pretty cool to find people that, up until that point, you were pretty sure were dead or in prison. The "Holy crap! I remember you!" factor is pretty high. So I check back every now and then to party like it's 1997.

As with every new fad, Myspace is not without it's creeps and scam artists. Just this morning I got an email from Myspace informing me that I had a new message. So I clicked the link and found something that somehow seemed familiar...

Subject: My best girlfriend asked me to message you, weirddd i know but cool

Body: yea this girl who has been my best friend since ive been young hits me up. She says she sees this profile of someone that reminds her of her first crush. I dunno Im not the one who should be filling you in Ill let her.

I will let you know that she is cool as hell and gets pretty crazy at times in a fun way. to be honest i used to have a crush on her myself but its too weird now. she said she was shy or something to be the first one to initiate talk but she even posted a blog about ya or something

anyways seems like you are all she is talking about and interested in so check her out and add her up as a friend. something might work out who knows yea

That's the second time I've got this message, but the first time was from someone else. In both cases the sender has no profile picture and a nearly empty home page. The first one presumably came from a guy in West Virgina, and the second from a female in Ohio, which makes the bit about having "a crush on her myself" a little more interesting.

What's the deal with this? I mean, what's the point? And why do they send everyone the same message? I didn't click on the link, so I can only imagine what happens if you do. Does it empty your bank account? Does it take you to one of those porn sites with 8,000 pop-ups that never go away? People are idiots.

Anyway, I had my handler/endentured manservant Bentworth Farnsley write up a reply to the crazy broad that apparently knows two anonymous people in Ohio and West Virginia:

Subject: Re: My best girlfriend asked me to message you, weirddd i know but cool

Body: Dear crazy person,

Salutations, and thank you for expressing interest in my collegue. Unfortunately, at this time he is otherwise preoccupied with his duties as both a devoted boyfriend and father (Although it should be noted, not to the same person. That would be peculiar, to say the least) This information was clearly posted on his profile page, so one can only assume it was somehow overlooked by your eagle-eyed compatriots.

Alas, it is a shame you could not have met under different circumstances, as I can attest that he, too, is cool as hell and is known to get pretty crazy at times. In a fun way, of course. To be honest, I used to harbor a bit of a...ahem...my apologies. The mind wanders.

Although my collegue cannot accept your invitiation, I assure you that he wishes you the best of luck in the future. And if all else fails, I have it on good authority that you have surrounded yourself with smitten friends suffering from unrequited adoration. My advice, go to them. Go to them before it is too late.

Cheers,
Bentworth Farnsley

I hope that cleared things up.