Hypothetical Interview, Vol. 1

I have a theory. It may sound a bit far-fetched, but in the end, it's the only thing that makes sense, really.

I think that, back when they were starting out, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince made an agreement that Jazzy Jeff would get top billing on the condition that one day he would drop off the face of the Earth.

I wonder if he regrets his decision?

Let's ask him, shall we?

Random Squeegee Presents:
A Hypothetical Sit-Down with DJ Jazzy Jeff

RS: Hello, Mr. Jazzy.

JJ: Please, it's Jeff now.

RS: Of course. Jeff, what have you been up to since the early-to-mid-nineties?

JJ: Oh, I've been keeping busy. Crosswords, mostly. Have you tried suduku? That [expletive] is addictive, yo. Plus, I bake. Strudels are sort of my specialty.

RS: Sounds like you've got a full plate. Back when you first broke onto the scene with Will Smith, you recieved top billing. But since then, Will has had steady work as both an actor and musician, and you've been looking for a six letter word for "birdhouse." What happened?

JJ: Well, I don't really want to get into the details of the whole thing, but there was some fine print in our contract that, in hindsight, maybe I should have given a once-over.

RS: I knew it!

JJ: Yeah, well, we didn't have Behind the Music back then, like the young artists of today have, to teach us that record executives are evil, money-grubbing [explitive]s.

RS: I'm not sure if Behind the Music is still on the air.

JJ: It's not? I don't have cable anymore, so I don't know.

RS: Are you still close with Will?

JJ: Oh, you know how it is. Working relationships and all that. I mean, he's doing his thing, and I've got my crosswords. Really, with our schedules it's impossible to keep in touch.

RS: So he's still got that restraining order against you?

JJ: Yeah, there's that. But it's mostly the scheduling issue.

RS:You've been called "The Andrew Ridgely of Hip Hop"...

JJ: It's funny you should mention that. Andy and I were talking the other day, and we got the idea to form a new band. Sort of a super-group if you will.

RS: So the two of you will be collaborating?

JJ: Oh, it's so much more than that. Andy knows Art Garfunkle and John Oates. We all got together one night and everything just clicked. If everything goes as planned, our album should be out by the third quarter of this year.

RS: That's great news. So this is actually going to happen?

JJ: That's right. You heard it here first. This disc is going to be tight.

RS: So what are you guys calling yourselves?

JJ: Well, that's where we sort of hit a snag. But we've got it narrowed down to either The Traveling Nobodys or Second Bananarama.

RS: Well, it's been great talking to you. Good luck in all your ventures.

JJ: Thanks, we should keep in touch. I'll send you some strudel. Peace!

By the way. It turns out DJ Jazzy Jeff did not in fact fall off the face of the Earth. He's even got a website. It's pretty cool, actually. I just hope he never reads this. Then I'll never get my strudel.