What Happened?

I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't been around lately. I guess that means I should take a moment to dispel some of the rumors I just made up about my whereabouts. So I'd like to go on record as saying the following:

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a fugitive on the run from the Malaysian government.

I did not die as the result of mixing Pop Rocks with Coca-Cola.

I did not film a grainy, night-vision sex tape with former Attorney General Janet Reno entitled "One Night in Reno."

I have not given up my highfalutin office job for a more hands-on career at the hobo factory.

I was not called upon by supernatural forces to reluctantly play a key role in the epic battle of good and evil. Not yet, anyway.

I was not holed up in the basement, frantically scribbling lyrics to my as yet unfinished rock opera, Joe Happens.

I did not break into prison in an elaborate scheme to break my innocent brother out.

I was not trampled by adoring fans who spotted me in line at Dunkin Donuts. Not yet, anyway.

As boring as it may seem, I was just on vacation. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Or as soon as I shake these Malaysian operatives.

Fantasy Football Update: Week 4
The Dingleberries are doing more than just hanging on. After three weeks, I'm sitting at the top of the rankings as the only undefeated team at 3-0. This weekend I went head to head with Jose, who has yet to win a match up. We won't know the Week 4 outcome until tonight's game is over. I'm ahead by fifty points right now, but if Delhomme has a good enough game, Jose could still come out with a win. I can't believe I'm saying this, but go, Packers!