Same as the Old Boss

Last week, Johnny Damon and a group of self-professed "idiots" won the World Series. Tuesday, the trend of idiots winning continued with the re-election of George W. Bush. For a while now I had wondered who could have lived in this country for the past four years and said, "Hey, let's do that again!" Well, apparently the answer is: Just over half the country.

Today, people all across America are cheering, "Hooray! Now things will change, because Bush is president again! Wait. Fuck, we're idiots."

I'm still trying to figure out the hypnotic grip this guy has on people. On the plus side, he did get Saddam Hussein, but...we were after Osama Bin Laden. Remember that guy? It's like asking for a puppy for Christmas and getting a goldfish. I'm not saying capturing Saddam Hussein wasn't a good thing, but I think it could have waited until the guy that actually attacked us was dead or in jail. At least that was my understanding after Bush's "evil-doers" speech. I thought one by one, we'd systematically route out terrorists, and I was cool with that. But that's not what happened at all, and as the election results show, nobody cares.

Imagine the war on terror is a final exam with four essay questions. The first question is about Afganistan, the second on Iraq, the third on Iran and the fourth on North Korea. Bush starts off strong, grabbing his pencil and proclaiming "I'm gonna ace this thing!" But halfway into the first question, he gets stuck, so he moves to the second one. He zips through the first few sentances before getting stuck again, and ends up spending the remainder of the time allotted on answering question 2. By the time the teacher says "Pencils down!" he's left with a paper with two half-finished essays and two that he never even started. That's an F. There's no way around it.

I don't feel safe right now. I just don't. The guys on talk radio sure as hell do, they were playing "Ode to Joy" and gloating like they just found out they were the biggest guys in the locker room. But I'm not exactly comfortable right now. If the United States is attacked again, the most likely targets are the Northeast, Washington DC and the West Coast. All of those places voted for Kerry, while the middle of the country, which has about the same chance of getting attacked as a fat kid has at getting picked first for dodgeball, voted for Bush. Thanks, guys.

Oh well. You know what they say, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again."