A few years ago, I lent Mr. Schprock my copy of LOST Season 1. He returned it when he was finished, and I let him borrow Season 2. He was ready for Season 3, but I didn't own it yet. I told him he could borrow it as soon as I get it, but then, well..things took a turn.
With only a few episodes left until the series finale, I'm still banking on some of my crazy theories being true. But it wouldn't be fair to spoil my former co-worker by mentioning them here; it's bad enough he still has to work with Joe. So I can't say anything about Frank, or Miles, or Juliet or even Ben. He wouldn't know who they are. Instead, I will regale you with this epic, spoiler-free review by a guy named funk yant.
LOST SUCKS
by funkyant
IF U LIKE LOST ITS BECUASE YOUR GAY. THIS SHOW IS STUPID HERE'S A TYPICAL LOST EPISODE:
JACK: GIVE ME THE GUN SAWYER
SAWYER: NO, HOWDY-DOODY-TOODY
jACK: YOUR GONNA DO WHAT I SAID OR ELSE
SAWYER: OR ELSE WHAT, MR. FLAPJACK SAM?
JACK: I DON'T KNOW. YOUR JUST GONNA DO WHAT I SAID
LOCKE: HAY GUYS, THE ISLAND HAS TOLD ME TO STICK THIS TRANSMITTER UP MY RECTUM!
JACK: NO IT DIDN'T! I HATE YOU!
LOCKE: YOUR THE ONE WHO HATES YOURSELF.
*JACK PUNCHES LOCKE AND THEN GETS A CONSTIPATED LOOK ON HIS FACE*
*SUDENLY EVERYONE LOOKS UP IN A TREE AND SEES A CHICLET*
*CUE GAY ASS TROMBONE*
*CUT TO COMMERCIAL*
Funkyant may not know much in the way of spelling and punctuation, but he sure knows how to weave a good story. I think it's safe to say that I would absolutely watch that episode. Even Alan Dale would watch that episode. Of course, I'd also watch Cue, the Gay Ass Trombone
3 comments:
Holy crap! That Chicklet wasn't there before!
I must agree... I too would watch both. The Lost ep because there's no way I could keep from it, and the trombone just to see what Tootie's been up to all these years...
I think the movie ends with Cue defeating the evil Mr. Flapjack Sam by sticking a transmitter up his rectum.
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