So, everybody...oh who am I kidding? So, LL, here's your question for the the day.
What if you could go back in time and prevent World War II from ever happening, but here's the catch: the only way to do it is to have sex with Hitler. You can't trick him and say that you'll have sex with him and then kill him or something, you've got to go through with it. But if you do, he won't invade any other countries or kill Jews or anything. Millions of lives will be saved.
Instead of genocide and world domination, Hitler will focus on music. He'll form a folk group called Der Flying Deutschmen. A protegê of Woody Guthrie, Hitler will write songs about peace, magic unicorns and a night of passion with a mysterious stranger whose name he refuses to reveal.
In 1959, he'll be mourned by the entire world when his plane crashes, killing him, Ritchie Valens and Buddy Holly. In this WWII-free universe, the Big Bopper took a different flight and later opened a chain of successful fried chicken restaurants across America's Southeast.
I actually have a theory that this was Hilter's ultimate goal all along: To do something so despicable that he'll be seen as the most hated man in history, in the hopes that one day hot women from the future would travel through time to have sex with him to prevent it from ever happening. In fact I'm pretty sure Bin Laden heard about Hitler's idea and co-opted it.
Oh, and don't worry, you can't inadvertently erase yourself from existence in my hypothetical time machine. Technically, you aren't re-writing history, you're branching out from the moment you changed to create a new history. The original still exists, because it can never be changed, like a write-only CD. But you've created this new history in a different location, as if you made changes to the CD file and saved it as a new file on the desktop. So even if preventing the war caused you to not be born in the new timeline, you still exist in the original timeline.
Of course that means when you show up in the present of the new timeline, no one will know who you are, because they have no record of you ever being born. In fact, you might be thrown in jail for not having any ID or proof of citizenship and for fabricating stories about beloved folk singer Adolf Hitler. No one would be able to appreciate what you did, because for them, it never happened, and for the original timeline, it will sill always happen no matter what you do. Or you run into the other you, and that presents a whole other set of problems. Man, time travel is hard. Okay, for the sake of this exercise, we'll say you change the original timeline and definitely cannot negate your own birth.
So...would you have sex with Hitler to prevent World War II? I couldn't do it myself. It's not because of the gay sex that would be involved, it's just that we got a lot of good movies out of that war.
9 comments:
What the hell is this? Three posts in three days? How the hell do you expect me to keep up with this much reading? I was just barely able to on your past once a quarter or so postings...
But back to the question at hand.
Hmmmmm... You do realize that this is a similar question posed in the "Red Alert" computer game series. You go back in time and kill Hitler and then what happens to the timeline from there? Germany never rises to power, France and Poland are never invaded, Russia becomes the dominant Eurasian power which leads to Stalin becoming more of what he already was.
However, were this the case, places like Hungary, Czech Republic, and all of the other Eastern European countries wouldn't have been absorbed into what became the Soviet Union. Israel would have never been formed as a nation, Great Britain would probably still retain most of Africa and Palestine in some sort of colonial status.
The German jews, like Einstein, Teller, and others would not have fled Germany to the United States and therefore we would not have had the development of atomic weapons or space faring rockets and such because Von Braun would not have worked on the German rocket programs.
If there was no WWII, we wouldn't have developed things like jet engines as quickly as we did nor advancements in other spinoff technologies from the war effort. The U.S. would have probably remained neutral and never gained world military superpower status.
And to top it all off... Farscape would have never been created which would mean that there would have never been a FMD which means that I would have never met any of you, which means that I wouldn't be here to answer your question about a sodomous relationship with Hitler.
Therefore, by simply answering this post, my choice or fate if you will, is already predetermined and I couldn't go mudbogging with Adolf. Case closed...
This is not coming out of left field. g_s stayed up too late watching Loose Cannons, had a disturbing dream about Hitler and, reading between the lines, I'm pretty sure I know who was catching.
It turns out if you only post once a quarter, the once lively comments section turns into sad dialogue between the blog's author and a beard enthusiast. And stellar. Hi stellar.
I've kinda noticed that too. I just figured none of you liked me anymore, or, you know, experienced beard envy...
word ver: hickistr - Yup... I'ze a hickistr...
You and your beard are okay by me. As long as I don't see any more pictures of cattle afterbirth.
No promises there...
Wow. So... millions of Jews had to die so we could have FarScape?? What a world.
Whoa. Why the hell did my name just post? Wait... did someone already leave to screw Hitler? Is this an effect of that? If I go home and my FarScape DVDs are gone, I'm going to be (word verification word:) borli pissed.
Band of Brothers was really good. Plus the DVDs came in a tin. And I'm pretty sure all the crazy shit that comes out of Japan is a direct result of them being nuked.
Post a Comment