At some point in his checkered past, hirsute cowpoke Lord Loser set out with his cousin, River Phoenix and Jerry O'Connell to find a dead body. It's a very interesting and sad tale, and if you haven't read it, I'd definitely recommend checking it out. You can read it here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.
In a way it reminded me of the red shoes my friends and I found near a mysterious hut made of sticks a few years ago. I've always wondered about the owner of those shoes, and how they came to lay there. But, perhaps even moreso, I've always wondered what would happen if I posted a series of random pictures I've taken and let you, the readers, come up with a story based on them. Hmm....
Alright, now let's see some stories! They can be funny, serious, long or short, as long as each picture is represented at some point over the course of the story. And to prove I'm not just doing this to get out of writing something this week, I'll write one, too. Probably. When you guys are done.
EDIT: Here's mine.
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The moment John ate the herb brownie, everything seemed much bigger. For a second, he thought it was all in his head, but then he noticed the creature beckoning to him from the shadows. The creature warned him of a possible assassin from across the pond, but upon further investigation, John discovered it was just a decoy. So he hopped in his shaggin’ wagon and headed out to his home in the woods to escape the madness. Just then, the clock began to strike midnight and the rain began to fall. John began to run away, but in the process, he lost one of his new pumps. He cried and cried, but soon the sun began to shine again, and the beautiful rainbow made him realize why that creature had looked so familiar. It was the leprechaun that guards the rainbow’s pot o’gold. But why wasn’t he wearing his hat? John would soon find out...
The Secret Tower
Buzzing through the citiy streets, they didn’t care. Who had time to notice a ancient tower rising majestically above the park foliage when there were taxis to catch and restaurant reservations to keep? No, the tower and all its splendor were his and his alone. After all, it seems he’d won it fair and square. The ivy that rose nearly to the precipice, the dark but comforting cloistered walls, everything that the old tower was seemed like the right and fitting home of Felix Crowley. His Secret Tower.
After all, that’s what the aged gargoyle said when he first put his hand on the knocker. Gargoyles don’t lie, do they? Hunched over and caked with moss, the old creature had a knowing, trustworthy face. When he first stirred from his melancholy, Felix could not account for the strange grinding sound he heard. It was the stiff stone joints of the aged gargoyle stirring to life again. Both seemed surprise to meet one another.
The old gargoyle was used to spending his lonely days watching the ducks grow fat in the pond. No one came near. Who had the time to stop and count the windows on some old, ivy-covered tower, or admire its architecture? Thus, it came as much of a surprise to him as to Felix, who certainly wasn’t expecting the stone creature to move. But then, this day was far from typical…
It began innocently enough. Felix had just moved to the city in his little yellow microbus to escape his hectic family life. Though he preferred the country to the coldly modern city, Felix decided it was time for a change in scenery. They were not bumpkins by any means, but the Crowley clan had lived out in the forest for ages. He would have a difficult time explaining this to anyone in the city, he knew, but the Crowleys had magic in their blood. As a requirement for this, they had lived in the woods to remain close to the earth. It was not a bad life, except for Felix’s twisted aunt.
She had a nasty reputation among the locals as a witch. She lived in a hut of twigs, where she would often lure unsuspecting victims. Following the rainbows that would appear after the storms she summoned in her unholy spells (God only knows their intention, she was a nutbar!), joggers would become lost in the woods. The only clues to their whereabouts the next day were discarded items like shoes, wallets, or hats. She simply spirited them away. So it was with Felix when he reluctantly paid her a visit on the occasion of his father’s death.
Of course she was planning to do something altogether nasty to him. With her brother out of the way, she could step up as the family heir. That modern upstart Felix had no right to the claim. His head was full of technological ideas and progressive uses of magic. He didn’t deserve his title. So, very much as Felix must have known somewhere in the back of his mid, he was soon tricked and – he thinks – drugged.
Felix woke up somewhere in the woods, but not the same woods he had entered. There was a beaten path and ducks. He found himself on the other side of a wall, one that enclosed an overgrown garden. It was dark here and tinged with something in the air. Felix tried the gate, but it was impossibly entangled within the thick wall of ivy that seemed to run down the top of the forbidding tower. With no way to escape his mysterious prison, Felix took a step forward and put a hand on the knocker. Just then, the one unbroken gargoyle sprang to life, turning to him with a look not unlike that of a curious dog who could account for what he was looking at.
The two stared at each other like this for some time before either of them could break the silence. They did not know how to account for each other, or the tower. Neither really knew why they were there at all. It had something to do with Felix’s aunt and her treacherous plans. The answers lay inside the tower, the gargoyle said. It was starting to get dark; and faced with no other option, Felix decided to enter the mysterious structure.
The other day at my girlfriend's house, right before calling up to ask her to let her hair down so I use it to could climb up it to her window, I heard a tiny voice address me down near my feet. Glancing about, I found a funny little creature who looked like an unsightly cross between a cat and my dotty old Uncle Elmo. "Forget that chick," said the little creature with a frown. "How'd you like to make a quick pot of gold?"
"Well, I could use an extra doubloon or two like the next guy," I replied.
"Good," he said. "I represent a certain . . . interested party. I will only that say she's from the west and she's wicked. Further instructions await you down by the millpond. Quack three times, pause, then quack twice. Now push off!"
Wondering what all this could mean, I forgot about my date with my girlfriend (whose name, BTW, was Reputah the Beautah) and made my way down to the millpond just past the dell. Reaching the water's edge, I quacked thrice, then twice. Moments later a small duck paddled into view.
"Hey buddy," said the duck. "You know how to drive a stick?"
"Sure," I replied.
Using his bill, he threw a set of car keys up to me. "At the corner of Maple Ave. and Main Street there's a Volkswagen bus. In the glove compartment you'll find a map. Drive to the town forest and follow that map to a hut made out of fallen tree limbs. There you'll meet Broomstick One — which, by the way, ain't her real name. Got it? Now push off!"
Intrigued, I jogged to the street corner he described. Sure enough, there was a yellow Volkswagen bus. I unlocked the door, climbed inside, found the map and drove to the town forest.
A two mile hike brought me to the hut the duck mentioned. Peering inside, I saw an ugly, green-complected woman seated next to a young girl in pigtails who was bound and gagged. "Never mind the girl!" she ordered. "Just fetch me her ruby slipper and all with be well." She turned to the girl. "Yes, my pretty! All will be well!"
"Will you let her go if I do?" I asked.
"I"ll let you know once I hold the slipper in my hand!" Then she gave me a rough idea as to where I could find it. A ten minute search easily turned it up. I came back, handed it to her and said, "Here's your ruby slipper. Now untie the girl and tell me where that pot of gold is."
She pushed the girl at me and said, "Ask her, chump!" Then she whistled and a flying monkey showed up with her broomstick. They both instantly flew off, her unpleasant cackle gradually fading away as the receded from view.
"Okay, kid," I said to the girl after removing her gag. "What do you know about any pot of gold?"
"Well, mister, didn't you know that the gold was right here all along?" she replied with a smile, pointing to my heart.
"I can't use that to pay my mortgage. I'm talking about gold gold. Where the hell is it?"
Suddenly I heard an orchestra from somewhere in the woods start up and she began to sing, "Somewhere over the rainbow…"
"That's it. I'm outta here," I said — even though, eerily enough, a rainbow did form in the sky right after she started singing that schmaltzy song.
Hey - this brings back to my days in school. They would give topics or photos that you would have to tell a story too. I'll have to think about this and view he photos a while. I'm not thru yet
The bright white light bled through Tony's eyelids, and he felt his sleep coming to an end. He opened his eyes and was startled to see his huge erection towering above him. He had built this tower and lived in it for many years, but he could not figure out how he wound up on the ground outside. He had not fallen, for certainly he would be dead, or at least broken.
He rolled his head to one side and saw the green tiger staring at him expectantly. A gift from his third wife, the tiger stared down at Tony and, from this angle, Tony realized the tiger and wife number three had the same bloody, disapproving eyes. Before the tiger could nag at him for his sloth, Tony got up, slowly evaluating his bones, agreeing that nothing was broken.
Tony tried the door to his tower only to find it locked. The nearest window was a full thirty feet above his head, so there was no chance of getting in that way, as all of his ladders were inside.
With nothing else to do, Tony walked to the reflecting pond where he intended to reflect on his situation and hope to find a solution. There he found his pet duck, Chuck, paddling around, messing up Tony's erection reflection, and telling Tony everything he needed to know about the morning. Despite that he was a duck, Chuck hated the outdoors, and there he was, paddling reluctantly. It could only mean one thing: Tony's ex-wife number four had won the settlement and was awarded the tower. She had always wanted Tony's big erection, and now she was going to get it.
Or maybe since Tony hadn't worked in six months and hadn't made payments, the bank had taken the tower. Okay, so maybe that's two things. Either way, Tony was now jobless AND homeless. And his duck, Chuck, seemed to be pissed off at him now that he was an indoor duck stuck outdoors.
Tony walked to the entrance gate to the property and out to the street where he was greeted to a lovely sight: his new home. The well-built, sturdy, 1970 model grocery cart would come in very handy for the next stage of Tony's life, as it was now his only possession, save for the one shoe he wore, and would hold all future possessions.
Tony took his grocery cart and walked and walked for days on end, day afer day until he passed through the city limits and found himself wandering behind his cart through the countryside. Suddenly a violent storm whipped up out of the north, with angry winds and petulant rain. He sprinted toward a thicket, seeking shelter from the ravages of nature, but found himself surrounded only by saplings swaying in unison to the whim of their Mother. Tony crouched on the ground and pulled his grocery cart over him to protect from all but the stinging rain.
The next thing Tony knew all was dark. The storm had passed and the birds were chirping. He had slept. He crawled out of his grocery cart to find that the storm had blown all of the twigs and branches and leaves from one part of the thicket toward him and his grocery cart, forming a shelter over him, leaving him warm and dry, and had left that part of the thicket bare save for an odd item: one red shoe.
Tony walked to the shoe and looked at it. It was petite and delicate, and looked like it might fit his foot. He looked at the shoe on his other foot. It was black and had once been shiny. Tony put on the red shoe, which was tight and not the least bit comfortable. He looked at his foot with the red shoe, and then at the foot with the black shoe, and he was vaguely reminded of Las Vegas. This made him think he was in for some good luck today, so he kept the red shoe, despite the pain.
He looked to the sky to see which direction it might suggest for him to go, and he was startled to see a rainbow arcing to the ground not far away from him. Next to the rainbow was a pole with a bucket on it. Tony had once heard that there was a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow, and he certainly was in need of gold right now. And since he had on his lucky Las Vegas red and black shoes, he figured the bucket on the pole was close enough to the end of the rainbow, so it MUST be a pot of gold. HIS pot of gold!
Tony climbed the pole, an already difficult feat made moreso for a man wearing ill-fitting women's dress shoes. After much effort, Tony finally made it to the pot of gold, but it appeared to be sealed shut. Fully intending to take the gold, pay off his delinquent mortgage and go back home, Tony grabbed the lid on the pot of gold. Suddenly there was a brief, searing pain and a bright white light that bled through his eyelids, and Tony felt his sleep coming to an end. He opened his eyes and was startled to see his huge erection towering above him.
Tony rolled his head to one side and saw the green tiger, which seemed to gaze upon Tony with a knowing expression.
"Ah, crap!" said Tony.
Please note that if this story sucks, it's because I am doing it under duress. Whatever that means.
Here we go:
One day Mr. Gargoyle fell off his perch.
"Ow. That hurt," he said. Then he realized he couldn't get back up there so he decided to ask a duck to help him. The duck told him to take a hike. Except when he said take a hike, what he actually said was, "AFLAC!!!"
So, in despair because he didn't have accident and injury insurance, he wandered the streets and considered becoming a hermit. As luck would have it, he found a hovel. Unfortunately it was occupied by a cross dressing delusional Bostonite who thought he was president of the United States.(We could do worse. Oh wait. We have.) The delusional young man was also naked except for one red shoe. The gargoyle was horrified and ran away and the "President" threw his shoe at him yelling, "I'm pretty! I'm pretty!"
Then a rainbow came out, mocking the poor gargoyle, but since he's a magical creature, he realized he was able to walk up the rainbow back onto his perch. And one day, that delusional Bostonite is going to come walking by that tower, and boy will the gargoyle then get his revenge!!!
The end.
I think I like this one best - not everyone tried to use the gargoyle as an actual character.
I do find it weird that so many people had the red shoe belonging to a crazy, cross-dressing man though. What's up with that?
We write what we know.
Gargoyles: the ignored populace.
OK, it's been a few days. Aren't you going to pick a winner or something?
Winner? There's supposed to be a winner? Okay, maybe we'll have a poll. Yeah.
But what does the winner get? Do I have to run down to Hickory Farms for a cheese assortment or something? Cause it would probably be easier to just shake out Wah-Kee's pockets.
Magic Beans
My mom sent me to Boston to sell the family cow.
A homeless man who was selling magic beans in a back alley confronted me in front of the church tower.
I sold my moms cow for the magic beans. And I ate them.
The sky looked real pretty after that.
The homeless man turned into a tiger. And that really freaked me out. So, I ran out to the park.
I spent two hours looking at the ducks. They were pretty.
But after a while I got bored and decided it was time to leave Boston. I walked back to my van and drove back home.
Me and my mother live in a hut in the woods.
And when my mother found out that I had sold her cow for some magic beans she threw her shoe at me. She must have gotten me pretty good with that shoe because I ended up falling on my back and the last thing I remember seeing was a rainbow in the sky.
When I finally came to it was night and that homeless tiger man was sneaking up on me.
You want somemore he aked.
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