I'm Back!

I don't know if everyone is aware of this, but there's a sitcom called Rodney. It's not about the wise-cracking ghost of Rodney Dangerfield, as cool as that would be. Or even better, the wise-cracking reanimated corpse of Rodney Dangerfield. Now there's a show idea. Zombie Rodney (Rod Zombie?), working as a stock boy at a Voodoo shop in New Orleans. They could do an episode where Rodney accidentally knocks over a crate of voodoo dolls, and a whole bunch of people fall off a building. I'm laughing already.

But that's not what this show is. It's just some guy named Rodney who has his own sitcom for some reason. Maybe he won a contest or something. I think I remember seeing a "Win your own sitcom on ABC" offer on the back of a Crispix box a while ago. Maybe he mailed in two proofs of purchase and six to eight weeks later, he got a call that changed is life forever.

"Hello, is this Rodney?"

"Yes."

"Rodney, this is Steve Bornstein, President of ABC Television. You just won yourself a sitcom, buddy."

"Oh my God! Oh my God, are you serious? This is...wow. Oh wow, this is so cool."

"There'll be a private jet waiting to pick you up tomorrow morning."

"A jet! You're kidding! This is so awesome! I've got to tell Jimmy, he's gonna die! Hey Jimmy! I'm gonna be on TV!"

"That's right, Rodney. Hey, what's the only cereal with corn on one side, rice on the other?"

"Crispix!"

So Rodney gets flown to Los Angeles to meet the team of writers that will be working on his show. I don't know what the qualifications are to write staggeringly bland, unfunny sitcoms. I'd imagine a letter of recommendation signed by Bob Saget and/or Sinbad would help. Or maybe they all won cereal contests, too. But whatever the qualifications are, right now, I wouldn't even make the cut. I've been trying to come up with something funny to write all morning, but I've ended up hitting the delete button more than anything else. It's pretty sad when you look at a paragraph you just typed and can picture an executive saying, "I'm sorry, but this just isn't Saved By The Bell-caliber material."

I think I'm still feeling the effects of focusing all my time and energy on that project at work. It finally went out on Friday, but after spending the better part of the month on it, I'm totally spent. Not to mention that I haven't seen my friends since some time in May thanks to this thing. Now Nick and Hedie are on their honeymoon in Disneyworld, so it'll be another week before I see them. They didn't go right after the wedding because Hedie is a teacher and wanted to wait until school got out before they went. And since I didn't get to write it before, congratulations to Jose for getting a new job at Borders. Not only did he get a job, but possibly something more. I won't say what at this point, but I would advise him to use his employee discount and buy a book about Iowa. You know, because women love a man with a vast knowledge of farming...and, um...caucuses.