The Elephant in the Room

We never talk about it. We dance around it. We avoid any mention of it. We have an unspoken agreement to take precautions so it never becomes an issue. I hide my Bushisms calander. When her parents were visiting, she asked them not to keep the TV on Fox News. I turn off the TV just before the Daily Show comes on. I've actually caught myself cutting off my grandmother before she could finish her critque of Bush. These are the little sacrifices you make in a bipartisan relationship.

It can be hard sometimes. But it beats talking about it. Way too many bad things could happen. Yes, like in some bad sitcom, I'm liberal and she's conservative. And the one thing I'm conservative on is the one thing she's liberal on. So we are basically complete opposites, at least politically. How wacky! Sometimes I do worry about that, but if we can survive this insane election year, then we can survive anything.

It does suck a little, though, because I don't really get to vent. I can't talk about any of the stuff that really bothers me about the world with her, not without the requisite groans and eye-rolling. But it's no big deal. Those conversations usually get redirected to Ryan or Jose, so I don't explode.

I'd never even think of mentioning Fox News around her. Fox News facinates me, actually. Aparently, it's broadcast from some parallel dimension where Saddam Hussein had a half-dozen or so nuclear weapons, which were given to him by Osama Bin Laden after they exchanged vows. I did try to watch once, but this really smug guy with no neck was gurgling about John Edwards and it made me want to throw bricks at the TV.

A few days ago I was flipping through the channels and caught a bit of Dennis Miller's show on CNBC. Or is it MSNBC? Anyway, he referred to John Kerry as "Lurch". Get it? I thought to myself, "That man is a comedy genious!" I'll bet in all the 20 years that Kerry's been in the Senate, no one ever thought to compare him to a character from an ancient sitcom. How fresh and original. Talent like his shouldn't be wasted on some rinky-dink cable network. He should be in a more excessable medium, like Monday Night Football. They could make him a color commentator or something. Seriously, I remember when Dennis Miller used to tell jokes instead of being one.

For some people, politics are the only thing worth talking about. I pity them. As for us, we've got like a billion other things to talk about at any given moment. And in a few more weeks, all this political nonsense will go away. Until the next elections, anyway.