Thursday, April 29, 2010

This is All Steve Jobs' Fault

I'm working on a project for my dad. He has Thursdays off, so I brought my laptop next door to go over it with him. There's a list of names he wants in two columns, but the laptop keyboard doesn't have an "ENTER" key, which differs from the "RETURN" key in that it starts a new page or column rather than just a new paragraph. So I ran back to home get my external keyboard and realized that I have once again locked myself out of my house.

I specifically made sure the door was unlocked before I left by turning the knob both ways, and figured since it's able to turn, it must be unlocked. As you may have guessed, I apparently have no idea how doors and/or locks work. Ah, doors. My mortal enemy.

In high school, I found a locker with a broken door to use because I could never get my lock open. Jose loves to tell the story of how he dropped me off one day, and claims he watched me try to pull the front door of my house, and after several attempts, pushed it open.



That's not what happened, though. One day, my mom decided that she wanted the blue doors on our blue house to be blinding pink, so that they may be seen from space. But I think the new coat of paint made the door stick, or maybe the knob wasn't put back on quite right, but whatever the case, after that you'd have to jimmy the handle back and forth to get it into the groove or it wouldn't open. I wasn't trying to pull the door open, it was jammed, I tell you! Anyway, Einstein couldn't tie his shoes, and he seemed like a smart guy.

But nevermind all that. This particular case is about not being able to open a door because it's locked, and my keys are inside. Fortunately, my parents live next door and have three sets of keys for my place. Unfortunately, they're all inside my house, on top of the refrigerator, from the previous times I've locked myself out. I um...I meant to bring them over when I came here this morning.

This is not my finest hour.

If this stupid laptop had an ENTER key, yes I'd still be locked out of my house, but I wouldn't have realized it until much later. In fact, I might have been working over here until Michele came home anyway, in which case I would have never even known. But that jerk Steve Jobs had to get rid of the ENTER key, forcing me to notice my stupidity almost immediately. Well, that and that I'd be forced to buy an external keyboard in the first place. Or I could just hit the function key in conjunction with RETURN, which is the same as hitting ENTER, but who the hell wants to do that? That's not simpler, it's an extra step. Just like he refuses to put on/off switches on iPods. And made sure those jerks at the Apple store didn't hire me. God, screw that guy. I want to punch him in the neck.

29 comments:

mazinger78 said...

Nick and I would lock doors just to watch John TRY to open them.

John said...

That door at his old place was just horrible.

mazinger78 said...

We never had any issues

John said...

Maybe not with the door, but you had issues all right.

mazinger78 said...

We all did. I remember someone puking into a Gucci bag once or twice

John said...

Hey, I just realized...I went back because I needed an ENTER key, and I didn't have a key to ENTER my house. That's weird.

LL said...

That's not the only thing that's weird here...

Have you ever thought about getting one of those hide-a-key thingys so you could just leave one in an inconspicuous place outside?

Damn that Steve Jobs anyway. With a name like that, you know he's going to be jobbing the little people like you all for his own pleasure. I'm gonna bet that the built in webcam on your laptop secretly tapes and sends the video to him everytime someone needs the ENTER key and has to use RETURN so they can have a right hootenanny over it back at the lair.

Yes, I said hootenanny. It's rare you get to throw that into a conversation and I'm not going to pass up the opportunity.

mazinger78 said...

Knowing John, he'd forget where he hid the key.

John said...

Brianna loves the word Hootenanny. There's a store in Cambridge called Hootenanny and I took a picture of it on my phone for her.

John said...

"Knowing John, he'd forget where he hid the key."

I don't think I'd forget where I hid it, but I would take it in the house with me the first time I used it and then forget to put it back under the rock.

trinamick said...

Or you would hide the key in the rock and then not be able to open the rock to get the key out.

mr. schprock said...

My old PowerBook had an Enter key. What's up with MacBook Pro? It makes no damn sense.

I can remember one Saturday at the office when you forgot your keys. And the long note you left behind. Should've saved that.

NYPinTA said...

Someone puking into a Gucci bag once I get, but twice?

My dad painted our front door red and years later I was mentioning where I lived to a co-worker and she said, "next to the house with the awful red door?" and I said, "yep." Like she really needed to know the truth.
But I never had trouble opening it.

LL said...

Once again you missed Star Wars day, and I even prompted you to do it!!!

I just don't know about you sometimes g_s...

John said...

I know, but since I was prompted to do so, it would have seemed...forced?

LL said...

Nice.

NYPinTA said...

Don't quit now!

trinamick said...

Ya see this? It's the yips, I tell you! Come back! I promise not to post for at least two weeks.

John said...

Don't worry, I've got something. The past couple of weeks have been kind of rough.

trinamick said...

Have you still not gotten back in the house? Break a window, man!

Qaro said...

Nice blog! Stupid doors. At my office they installed some environmental controls to help protect the servers and printers and now the guys have to keep their door closed. I hardly even talk to them anymore. Whenever I have to go in there, I get all nervous like I'm going in to the principal's office to ask for a raise and get fired.

I guess my door issues are different than yours! : )

Unodostres said...

.I went back because I needed an ENTER key, and I didn't have a key to ENTER my house.
Phi Chi Theta

LL said...

Damn g_s... have you turned into KTM?

LL said...

Damn g_s... have you turned into JG???

LL said...

You know g_s... sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion...

John said...

I know. I know. I really need to update this thing; I can see how it looks as though after the last entry, some Apple goons came to my house and fitted me with a pair of cement shoes.

But I'm alive, and I've got a job now, so...yay-ish...but it's not a swank desk job were I get to sit at a computer all day, so I don't have a whole lot of time to sit down and write anymore.

jonwilson said...

"This particular case is about not being able to open a door because it's locked, and my keys are inside." Next time this happens, I suggest contacting a locksmith. Some of them operate round the clock and can offer you aid in just a few hours.

John said...

and now he's dead.

LL said...

Are you admitting to something now g_s???

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