Did You Miss Me?

I'm back, kinda! Except I don't have a fancy domain name anymore. Or I do, but due to some accidental meddling, it's not linked to the blog, and the way to fix it is overly complicated and boring. So I'm sure there's lots of broken links on here, and I'll fix them as I see them.  This is assuming anyone can even find this and is reading it. I hope they do. I need to know if Lord Loser is still growing championship beards or if Trina fell through any more ceilings. (if you happen to have stumbled onto this blog for the first time, Lord Loser grows championship beards and Trina fell through a ceiling. There, you're all caught up.) Anyway, for the past couple of years I've been working at a department store that for legal purposes I'm going to refer to as Darts, and if you...

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They Said it Couldn't Be Done

You wouldn't know him, but some completely real non-made up guy bet me eight dollars that I couldn't not post for a whole year. Well, guess who's eight dollars richer this morni...

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This is All Steve Jobs' Fault

I'm working on a project for my dad. He has Thursdays off, so I brought my laptop next door to go over it with him. There's a list of names he wants in two columns, but the laptop keyboard doesn't have an "ENTER" key, which differs from the "RETURN" key in that it starts a new page or column rather than just a new paragraph. So I ran back to home get my external keyboard and realized that I have once again locked myself out of my house. I specifically made sure the door was unlocked before I left by turning the knob both ways, and figured since it's able to turn, it must be unlocked. As you may have guessed, I apparently have no idea how doors...

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The Day That Wasn't

Yesterday morning I helped a guy named Randy get to class. He goes to a special needs school up the street, so I walked him there. When I got home, it was dark. Michele asked where I'd been all day. I told her I was helping Randy get to school; I couldn't have been gone longer than half an hour. But it was night. How could that be? It didn't make any sense. Did I go somewhere else and completely forget about it? Had the passage of time gone wonky? I thought about the walk to the school. On the way, I ran into the woman who used to live next door to me. I used to go to school with her daughter. These days she lives in Rockland and I live underneath where she used to live (her mother lived here when I was growing up.) Anyway, she was also walking someone to the school. He was her nephew. He...

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Art Attack

When I was younger, I had this book, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. The stories weren't remotely scary, but the pictures, sweet Jesus, the pictures haunt my dreams to this day. If you've ever seen this book, the bride chick with the hollowed-out eye sockets probably came screaming back into your memory just now, so it's perfectly fine if you may have wet your pants a little. If you've never seen it, basically the illustrations made otherwise idiotic stories kind of terrifying. If I remember correctly, one of the first stories was about a kid who found a severed toe sticking out of the ground, and then some giant tracks him down and says "You...

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