Plagiarism is the Sincerest form of Flattery

What's more pathetic than trying to microwave powdered cappuccino for four minutes? Oh, I don't know, maybe copying and pasting a story about trying to microwave powdered cappuccino and pretending it happened to you? Oh, and forgetting to remove a link so the person you stole from can easily find out about it.

On Technorati yesterday, I noticed a MySpace blog post called "Kimmy Vs. Microwave," that looked an awful lot like a post I did last month called "Man Vs. Microwave." I mean, to be fair, it could have just been an amazing coincidence. Sure, she used the exact same wording as I did, but there are some subtle differences. For example, nowhere in my title does the name Kimmy appear, but it's clearly visible as the first word in hers. Also, I assumed the mug of indeterminate origin belonged to Joe, whereas she theorized that it belonged to Satan (an ex-boyfriend). And nowhere does she describe it as a Weymouth MRI cup, although she does include the exact same two pictures I used, with "Weymouth MRI" clearly written on the face of the mug.

Of course, the most striking difference, the one that Johnnie Cochran would dramatically roll out as his most shocking evidence if he weren't dead, is an extra sentence in the Kimmy version about a "fricking latch sticking out of the microwave door" that gave her first-degree burns on her "wenis." That's a striking blow to my case. As clumsy as I may be, my "wenis" has never been anywhere near a microwave door. I'm pretty sure that could damage the swimmers.

I'll give her credit. For consistency's sake, she changed this:

So let's see, with the caramel, cappuccino and popcorn, that's microwave 3, man 0.

To this:

So let's see, with the caramel, cappuccino and popcorn, and 1st degree burn, that's microwave 4, Kimmy 0.

But I'm going to have to take that credit right back, because she left the link in the word "caramel", the reason I even found out about her.

So of course I had to leave a comment, seeing as how we had such similar experiences. I wrote, "Hey, the same thing happened to me!" And eagerly awaited a reply. We could swap stories; maybe she also saw a Pink Floyd laser show, or got poison oak all over her face.

But alas, not long after I left my comment, her MySpace page, which was previously visible to anyone, is now a private profile that can only be seen by friends. It's a shame, because we could have all gone over and said hi. I know John T would have loved to chat, since two of her other blog posts seemed suspiciously familiar to anyone who's read the Schprock Report. Oh well.

UPDATE Apparently "wenis" isn't nearly as dirty as I thought it was. It's just slang for the skin on your elbow. Which explains why she had one and why it would burn on the door. But it still doesn't explain why anyone would pretend to burn their...elbow skin...to begin with.

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Man Vs. Microwave

Yesterday I thought I'd make a cup of instant coffee, or to be more accurate, microwave up some water and powdered French Vanilla cappuccino mix. The instructions say to heat 3/4 cup (6 fl. oz) of cold water in a measuring cup on HIGH for 1 1/2 minutes or until hot. Then empty the contents of the envelope into a mug and slowly pour the water over it. Easy enough.

But what if you don't have a measuring cup? Or even a second cup just to heat the water in? All I've got is a "Weymouth MRI" mug of indeterminate origin. I think it might have been Joe's; he's probably had a few CT scans in his day. I could have heated the water in the mug and then mixed the powder in afterwards, but then the powder gets all clumpy and doesn't mix right. So I emptied the packet into the mug and then filled it three-quarters to the top with water.

Whenever I attempt to heat water in the microwave, it always takes several tries before its even mildly hot. That's why the instructions say 1 1/2 minutes or until hot. It's because on the first try, it's always tepid. Then lukewarm, and finally whatever you call a step above lukewarm. Regular warm, I guess. I thought I'd skip all that this time by just putting it in for four minutes.

Four minutes later, in place of the box-promised "delicous cup of rich, sweet, creamy cappuccino", there was, well, this:



Now you can say all you want that maybe four minutes is a bit excessive. You could say that the instructions said 3/4 of a cup, as in the unit of measure, not cup as in the variable-sized drinking vessel. But I think the driving force behind this little drink-turned-science-experiment was putting the powder mix in the microwave. Somehow, the combination of the powder, water and microwaves caused all but about a quarter-inch of water to expel out of the mug and onto the microwave tray, while hardening the powder and water froth to give it the texture and appearance of coral. For a minute I wondered if I'd stumbled upon a delicious new treat in the form of hardened rocks of cappuccino, but I was sadly mistaken. Still, it was surprisingly chewy for something that cemented itself to the wall of the mug.

Today, I made popcorn. The bag said two minutes. The bag is a filthy liar.

So let's see, with the caramel, cappuccino and popcorn, that's microwave 3, man 0.

Speaking of fires, I can climb the highest mountain, cross the wildest sea, I can feel St. Elmo's Fire burnin' in me, burnin' in me...

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