Rise From Your Grave And Sell My Tie-ins!

I saw a McDonald's commercial over the weekend involving a Monsters Vs. Aliens tie-in featuring Grimace! He didn't have a speaking part, but by God, he's alive! In honor of this momentous occasion--and because I don't want to write about how we got to the IMAX at Jordan's Furniture at noon to get tickets for the 3 o'clock show, only to discover that every show was sold out until seven so spent all day in Framingham--here's another one of these things... ...

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FWS: Episode 4

With Steve's offer of a new co-host opening apparently still standing, struggling comedian Chip Newton sees his chance for a new career. But what will become of Fred...

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Where's the Rocket?

Over the years, the internet has helped me find the names of movies, magicians who cut off their legs with a chainsaw to the tune of The Peter Gunn Theme, even the identity of Donald Duck's mother. And yet, one challenge, finding a cartoon about anthropomorphic fireworks has remained unmet. That is, until now. Yes, I was looking back over the weekend and realized after over three years, I still had not found any evidence of this thing ever existing. So I tried again, I even made the rounds of movie forums hoping someone would have known what I was referring to. Only this time, I tried to remember a bit more. "Fireworks" and "firecrackers" weren't...

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The Internet...Is There Anything it Doesn't Know?

Thanks to the internet, I now know the name of a movie that used to be on HBO all the time about a kid with red toy telephone who uses is to talk to his dead father, but it isn't really his father, it's the spirit of an evil magician who has possessed a ventriloquist dummy the boy found in an old mine shaft or something and decided to bring home for some reason. It's called Making Contact, or Joey for the German version and, among other things, it was the first film directed by Roland "Leno-chinned Godzilla" Emmerich. Everything about this movie is crazy. Emmirich, living in West Germany in 1985, wanted to connect with American audiences, so...

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Apologies in Advance

A pirate is sitting at the bar, and the bartender says "How'd you get that eyepatch?" The pirate says, "Arrr, livin' on a ship can get a bit cramped, so some of the lads decided we should take a portion of the cargo hold where we store our plunder and convert it ta livin' quarters. Not everyone was open to the idea." "So they stabbed you in the eye?" "What? No! So we had a vote, fair and democratic like, to see whether or not we should give up some loot space fer some livin' space. The results were split down the middle, seven men for it, and seven opposed, with one undecided." "So the guys that were against it broke into your quarters while you slept and plucked out your eye to get you to change your vote!" "No! Stop doing that! So...I approached the undecided lad and asked if there...

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