Theological Entomology

Bugs have a considerably more advanced society and social hierarchy than most people realize. Which makes me wonder, do insects have a religion? Do they see the crumbs and scraps left by humans as gifts from the Gods, and fly swatters and magnifying glasses as the wrath of God? Are there stories that get passed on from generation to generation about great bugs of the past, or even heavenly bugs that promise salvation? If bugs had a Messiah, would he be the Anty Christ? If Jesus was an ant, Christians would wear asterisks around their necks. Think about tha...

Read more »

Babar, the Possibly Sinister Disappearing French Elephant

I was about to check my email on Yahoo just now, and I saw an article about the biggest box office bombs in history. So I had to look at that. Just like he does in most of his movies, Eddie Murphy plays more than one part in this list, appearing in both Meet Dave and The Adventures of Pluto Nash, which had the biggest budget vs. box office intake deficit of them all. But the lowest-grossing movie ever is Zyzzx Road, starring Katherine Heigl and Tom Sizemore. It cost 2 million to make and did a grand total thirty bucks in theaters. Or, the one theater it played in. Thirty bucks. No wonder Sizemore's a crackhead. Anyway, after that I spent three minutes trying to explain to a co-worker who Katherine Heigl was, and another ten minutes trying to remember who I always confuse her with. The other...

Read more »

Same Crap. Different Day.

Yeah, I know the last thing a wrote about was a giant floating turd breaking loose and wreaking havoc, and I'd really rather not have two back-to-back poop stories, but remember when Shaun the Homeless Black Guy and Sandra Bernhardt left a present in front of our office? Well, it happened again. Of course, we can't be certain exactly who's been laying bricks out there, since everyone's a suspect. But somebody did it. And it's been there since Monday. That's not really a smell that you want to start your week off with. The guilty party did have enough shame to cover it with the foil wrapper from a burger. I didn't really examine the thing to see if it was from McDonalds or Burger King, but regardless of what the wrapper said, underneath was definitely a Whopper. Again, in addition to our...

Read more »