Amateur Poetry Corner

The year is 1997. I'm sitting at my desk in sixth period Creative Writing class, about to pass in my assignment, "Poems for Every Occassion: Wretched Little Poems about Misery and Depression." Hmm...I don't think I'd found my happy place yet. Let's take a look, shall we? Manic Depressive I wonder why I'm still alive; How did I manage to survive As this sad and lonely soul? Every day it only gets worse I just can't seem to end this curse -- I've been jailed for life without parole. If only I were someone who Wasn't me at all, but someone new Then I'd throw the old me on the coal. But all I'll ever be is me And I guess that's not the worst...

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The Mark Hamill Effect

Ever since they came out, it seems like one of the Lord of the Rings movies is on TV at least once a day. Return of the King was on the other day, and I started thinking about a conversation I saw on the internet a while ago about who will be the Mark Hamill of the LOTR trilogy. As we all know, Mark Hamill (no relation), who was already riding high on the success of the original Star Wars movie in 1977, became an international box office sensation after the release of 1978's paean to teenage love, Corvette Summer. Okay, I made that up. But there is a thread on the imdb page for Corvette Summer called Annie Potts boobs. Now it's not like...

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Somebody Give This Boy A Job

The Flava The following is a message to my youngest brother, Glenn:There is more to life than typing "OMG! ROTFLMAO!" in your room 24 hours a day. Get a job and type "OMG! ROTFLMAO!" from your cubicle like the rest of us. That is all, thank you. Now, for the rest of you, I must confess that procrastination has done me in again. You may recall some time ago I mentioned that I love reading the Impersonals in the Improper Bostonian. (by the way, if you follow that link, please ignore in the comments section where I promise to post the second part of Nick and Hedie's wedding story. Holy crap, it's almost their anniversary!) Last week's issue...

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MySpace, Your Space, MySpace Your Space!

For reasons even I'm not aware of, I have a Myspace account. A new report shows that MySpace now has 2-1/2 times the traffic of Google. I believe it. Glenn, aka "tits on a bull," spends every waking moment on Myspace. Kids these days; I don't know. Why is Myspace so popular? Personally, I don't really like the way it's set up. I keep accidentally deleting comments, because my gut reaction to seeing a little blue link next to a comment is to click it to reply. Except that's not how Myspace works. The little blue link, which at first I didn't even take the time to read, says "delete this message." If you actually do want to reply, you have to...

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Hypothetical Interview, Vol. 1

I have a theory. It may sound a bit far-fetched, but in the end, it's the only thing that makes sense, really. I think that, back when they were starting out, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince made an agreement that Jazzy Jeff would get top billing on the condition that one day he would drop off the face of the Earth. I wonder if he regrets his decision? Let's ask him, shall we? Random Squeegee Presents: A Hypothetical Sit-Down with DJ Jazzy Jeff RS: Hello, Mr. Jazzy. JJ: Please, it's Jeff now. RS: Of course. Jeff, what have you been up to since the early-to-mid-nineties? JJ: Oh, I've been keeping busy. Crosswords, mostly. Have you...

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Sugar Frosted Mini Post!

I was walking to work yesterday and saw a squeegee top laying on the steps of a building for no apparent reason. That's right. It was a random squeegee. Eerie. Not much to say today, except that I changed the layout a bit last night and almost accomplished what I was trying to do. Except now Tuesday's post doesn't make any sense, as the ever elusive LaBomba pointed out. Thanks to everyone for all their advice. I actually ended up setting up three other blogs and just linked them all together. Was that a stroke of brilliance, or completely stupid? Stay tuned to find out! ...

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Uh, Little Help Here?

Hey, do me a favor, would you? See that black bar above the date? Click on "Pictures" for a second and then come back. I'll just wait here. Whoa, the screen turned all pukey green and the page was all but empty, right? That's the problem I've been trying to fix for a while now. See, I've got all this other stuff I want to put up here, but first I want to get all the pages to follow the same template. And that's a bit trickier than I thought it would be. Basically, I want to have several categories running across the top of the page, and when you click on them, they'll take you to a page similar to this one, only with haikus or photos, or whatever...

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I'm the Dog Now, Man

I'm in trouble. How can you tell this? Michele actually updated her blog just to chastise me. Here's what happened... Thursday night, the rubber spigot thingy ripped open while I was trying to pump up the air mattress. So instead of sleeping in mild discomfort on a cheap air mattress in an unfinished, musty basement, we threw some blankets down on the area rug and slept in extreme discomfort on the cement floor of an unfinished, musty basement. Oh, and cold. I forgot to mention cold. Truly, this is the lap of luxury. Linens 'n Things was having a sale on Aerobeds, so we went there Friday night to pick one up. They had a stack of them in the...

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HCIF*

Somehow, a whole week went by and no fewer than three posts that I started to write wound up sitting around in draft mode limbo. Maybe one day I'll actually finish them all and post thirty-seven things at once. Why so many, you ask? Well, I'm a perfectionist, but I'm not very good at it. I don't like putting something up here for all to see unless it's exactly how I want it, but sometimes I don't actually know exactly how I want it. Of course now, having admitted that, you can all look back at some of the stuff that I've written and think, "So this is what passes muster for him, huh? Yikes." And to that I say, "Yeah, well...shut up." It doesn't...

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